Usually Friday is my favorite day of the week. Not this one. Maybe I should look at this as milestone. I, Elaine Nunez, know what it feels like to have a knife wedged into my vertebral column. For those of you wondering, that was my polite way of saying "I have been truly stabbed in the back, sucker punched, had the wind knocked out of me, been fucked over" (trust me, it feels like this happened all at once, and no, you have no idea what this feels like, just telling you right now). And yes, it is really the first time this has happened to me in LA. Some may say I am lucky, but I say I wish it would have happened sooner just so that I knew. But not to worry, I have become a tidbit wiser thanks to one asshole.
(IMPORTANT: just for today, if you have hunch, and inkling, or any sort of suspicion that I may take your comment/your comment may come off the wrong way, DO NOT COMMENT. Any other day I can take a few stabs, but not today, so even if you think in your head you are coming off a certain way and it may not translate to that electronically, do not comment!!!! I am doing this for my own peace of mind because I just cannot take anymore let downs or criticism. The only way I would be able to take them is if I had more than a thousand followers or something who I didn't give a rats ass about. Unfortunately I have followers who I actually care about and would prefer to hear criticism from IN PERSON. So....please and thank you. Again, feel free to comment ANY OTHER DAY, but if you care, NOT TODAY.)
An interview today went surprisingly well, despite the fact that someone I had a great working relationship with gave me a bad reference. Or so I thought we had a "great working relationship". I am just grateful my interviewer had the cajones to tell me to take this person off of my reference list. I can't really say anything bad about this person except for "you are an asshole, you'll get yours". The tough pill to swallow is that I have been listing this person as a reference for the past TWO YEARS. I would leave interviews thinking I did a great job and little did I know this person was behind my back giving me a bad name. My interviewer was so sweet to tell me, and you know, I am so effing lucky. She said that since everyone else gave me such rave reviews she wanted to see me. What if no one had ever told me. I look back at the time I spent at the restaurant looking for work. It just makes me sad. I would never do that to someone, in a MILLION YEARS. And I am not stupid enough to list someone as a reference if I didn't get along and work well with them!
L.A. is a fucking dirty place. This guy was straight up fucking with my livelihood. The fact that this person has been doing this for the past two years makes me want to puke. I could have had a real job all this time. Truth be told, there is nothing stopping me from going into the bathroom and puking my guts out. The past two years (job wise) have been a total sham. I could have been doing so much more but this person felt the need to take his bad day or his bitchiness out on me for no goddamn reason. Oh, just remembered, I can't puke, because this situation has made me not want to EAT. That is how this makes me feel. I have not shed one tear today, and maybe it is just because I know what I have to fucking do.
Quite frankly, I don't know what to do with my life.
I did do the most immature thing ever, though. I deleted this person off facebook (not that he would notice) and (not so immature) took him off my reference list and did not even give him the satisfaction of a phone call. I was so tempted though. So tempted. It was my gut reaction to call this person and cuss them out. But I'm a lady.
I applied to every job and contacted pretty much everyone I knew. I have been glued to my desk (my one and only true love) chair in silence for hours. I did run off some aggression at the gym (thank you LA Fitness membership). And there have been no tears. There has been a helluva lot of grinning and bearing, though. And I have managed to get a breath in here and there.
This incident just really made me feel like I am not good at anything. It is just one persons opinion, but it hurts, just looking back. I have yet to find my niche. I have yet to find that one thing that I know I am 100% good at. I am no waste of space, but this feeling is absolutely horrific. I feel worthless, unskilled, useless. Maybe I am just meant to marry a plastic surgeon and have little plastic babies.
BUT, I know I can't change the past, so onward and upward it is. Even if I don't know where I am heading. I'm 25 for God's sake. Where the HELL is my answer. I wish something just fell into my lap or out of the sky and told me what to do. I may live in LaLa Land, but this is no movie. Not in the least.
PS I may have forgotten to mention that the job I thought I had on Monday fell through because people brought their own people in. Nice. It would have been helpful if you told me that a while ago though so I wasn't turning down jobs for you. Thoughtful people everywhere!!!! Oh forgive me, I must remember that most people here lack character and some necessary management skills...
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