Today, I went hiking in the Santa Monica Mountains with a very wise twin. As we ferociously walked up the mountain avoiding lions and jumping over snakes, in the 3 mile hike (1.5 up, 1.5 down) my twin made me realize that right now, even if I am in a funk, I am back on top. Now I can do what I want without that person standing in my way. This was not a set back nor a hiccup because I did nothing wrong, it is merely a jumping off point to start negotiations and figure out what I really want to tackle. I know she is no fortune teller, but she also said that something that I will be totally happy with will come out of this. I hate the bullshit everything happens for a reason (and i have found my mouth uttering those very syllables at least 10 times today...20 seconds I'll never get back...) but for whatever reason, this happened to me and for whatever reason, these are the cards I have been dealt and I would not have been given this pile of shit if someone somewhere did not thing I could turn it into a golden ticket. And I am determined to do just that.
It turns out a hike and a friend can do wonders, even if I had to dig myself out of an emotional rut to get there. I'm not gonna lie, I am still pretty disgusted and in a bit of a lull, but it is turning around and the "pill" that I was talking about yesterday is becoming easier and easier to swallow.
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