The Little Deets

In the Spirit of 2012.

2011-12-22T11:59:00.000-08:00

I have decided to make my life a little more simple and a LOT more positive. I am putting all of my eggs in a tiny (but filled to the brim) basket and starting a Tumblr. No more little deets, but you will see plenty on the new page. This year has been full of weirdness and fun, but I am seriously gearing up to kick ass in 2012. It is going to be a grand year, I'll see to that!

Follow me!
http://lovebreakfastfood.tumblr.com/

Cheers to the New.

2011-11-18T11:09:00.001-08:00

My new venture, Deal Girl Big City is live. As in it has its own website.

We are going to the Melrose Trading Post, with mascot Sandy, on Sunday the 19th, rain or shine.

I am undoubtably ecstatic about this new venture, but also rather nervous about other parts of my life. After this job, for instance, I don't know what to do. I guess it happens with every job though. Plus in the past few months there have been some exciting (albeit stressful) changes happening in my life which have forced me more and more to look at the big picture and make sure the Little Deets still make me smile. Once I stop smelling the roses while walking down the street, things will get rough. Cheers to knowing that, right?

I don't even know if I want to stay in entertainment anymore. That isn't entirely true, but by the time I wrap, I will have been on this show for almost a year! A YEAR! That is almost unheard of in the reality television world and I don't know whether to be pissed of, anxious or happy about it. I am pissed off because I would rather be doing something else, anxious because we are on hiatus and I have no fucking clue what I am supposed to be doing half the time (my mantra has become "just look busy") and happy because I have a job.

My love life is pretty non existent because (womp womp) I have been (womp womp) holding onto something and I'm not quite sure if I even want to let it go. And you know what? That actually makes me pretty damn happy right now. The dude on the other side doesn't think I'm too shabby either, so that helps.
However I did meet a boy from NY at my old local dive last Friday which gave me some glimmer of hope that I can still meet a nice guy. They just can't live in/be from LA.

Oi vey.

BUT. I am having a great time with a new pup and decorating my new apartment which is ALL MY OWN. My nights are consumed with wine parties with neighbors and doggy play dates.

On a random side note I still wonder why people with cute dogs are rude when people gawk at them. Oh are you offended that I said hi to your dog first? My apologies. And now, I wonder why certain people just don't gawk at mine. She is too darn precious. Some people just have no soul I guess. Sucks for them!

Day in the Life: Domain Edition

2011-10-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

Yes. Today I am taking a giant step.
I am buying a domain! I will still have the blog, but this is going to be a huge and glorious project.

Stay tuned. It is going to be GREAT, and I will let you all know what it is as soon as it is up and running!

(I just have to do a few things first, i.e. move into my new apartment--ALONE, yay!-- and get settled in)

Day in the Life: The Sandy Chronicles

2011-10-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

Several people have told me "it always happens that way", and now I get it.

When I went to the adopt-a-pet fair at Roxbury Park last Sunday, I was on the way to a baby shower for one of my best friends (fortunately, she's having another one). It was 11:15, I was supposed to leave for Mission Viejo at 11:45. So I figured I would go see what was out there in the world of dogs. And I SO did.

When I held her, that was it man. IT. The check I wrote was also probably the best check I've ever written. I wrote it to Animal Services in exchange for one skittish but sweet 2 year old Terrier who I have name Sandy. To make my co-worker happy, I told him Sandy was short for Sandwiches.

Sandy has been in my possession for 6 total days at this point and I could not be happier about it. She totally picked me! There is something about having her that has totally relaxed me. I don't know quite what it is. You know how people say dogs help with certain illnesses? I'm not ill, but maybe she is my "anxiety" or "panic" dog.

The thought ran through my head last night that I probably won't be going out a lot, which I am totally fine with, except the meeting men part. But then, as Sandy was hitting on all the boys and their owners at the dog park today, I started to feel like (finally) there are other places to meet men other than bars.

It's probably a good idea to let her pick men for me anyway, clearly I am not doing a good job on that front. I will take any help I can get!

Anyway, I am not about to be one of those people who only writes about her dog, but I figured I might just let you all know about the newest addition to my household (which is changing soon, YAY).

Here she is, freshly groomed. She's a fancy girl now!

Day in the Life: Office Edition

2011-09-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I believe I am a total weirdo.

Every morning I come to the office super early just so I can sit on the computer before everyone gets her and get "acquainted" with the day. I mean, how retarded does that sound? My apartment would be sufficient for that sort of thing.

(Digression: I was 2 glasses of wine deep last night when I purchased the new Demi Lovato album. This morning, I burned it on to a CD and listened to it in the car. Damn that girl can sing.)

Although I do have to say that this time has proven quite useful in the past few days because if you didn't know already, I'm moving. I have used this time to look for apartments on hotpads.com, which is much better than silly Westside Rentals, and hotpads does not even ask for money. Yes, free. My second favorite word.

Speaking of the office, I had one of my (top) superiors say to me last week while we were on set that I would be a great comedian. You know what I said? Nothing. He asked if I would read something he wrote. I ran to my car.

Yep, total weirdo.

Day in the Life: Laundry Edition

2011-09-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Living behind 7-11, I run into interesting people everyday whether I am buying wine, tampons, chocolate or Lean Pockets.

Laundry is a different story completely. In my building, we have a laundry room, but one time last year there were human droppings in the dryer so I started going to the laundromat around the corner. I have to walk two doors down from 7-11 past a 24 hour cash only taco shop and 2 trash cans that are often surrounded by aggressive homeless people. I have had people grab at my laundry bag and say "baby, I love you, what size you wear?" And there are those homeless people that act very nice asking for a quarter (which I clearly have in my hand) and then scream "fuck you then!" as I turn the corner. Sorry man, I just have a weird affinity for clean clothes.

Imagine my surprise when I arrive home from around the corner one sweltering hot laundry day and there is a homeless person reading the newspaper on my lawn. I mean, should I really be that stunned? There is a broken toilet on the other side of the walkway. Luckily our landlord keeps up on the garden maintenance.

Anyway, I asked my neighbor who was outside (very loudly) if he knew the woman I was about to make my first homeless friend and she didn't even flinch. You know what though? Everyone needs a load off. And I commend that homeless woman. Instead of trying to get more money from us, she took the money she had to sit back, relax and catch up on current events.

Maybe she was a writer for her school newspaper 40 or so years ago. Who knows? I wonder what she thinks of Lady Gaga.

Day in the Life: PMS Edition

2011-09-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

While watching a commercial for Tomato soup, I began to cry. Sentimental family moments can make people emotional...

Last night during the Emmy's when all of the women nominated for Best Actress in a Comedy Series were up on stage holding hands, I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Was I crying for women's empowerment?

What in God's name....

Oh, it's PMS.

Day in the Life: New York Moment

2011-09-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

I always hear of people just "running into each other" in New York.

Lately, I myself have had a few of these moments, leading me to believe it is not just the city, it is how long I have been here.

One of my favorite moments was last week when I ran into a sleaze that my friend used to hang out with. I was actually running. Per this guy's usual M.O. he appeared to not only not know who I was, but he was visibly drunk. I know I am running the risk of sounding overly superficial here, but he had a big ass cold sore and looked like he had just woken up from an all night crack and cocaine bender. He really did look like shit and if my friend were there to see it she would have laughed her ass off because not only did he look like a lost homeless hot mess coming out of a woman's apartment (he told me it was his "friend who happens to be a girl"), his car had gotten towed. Apparently it was towed for no reason other than it happened to be parked where the police needed to park to bust open someone's door up the street.

....karma is, indeed, a bitch.

Pictures in 3 Days.

2011-08-15T15:37:00.000-07:00

Our mini crafty area. There is no table, and I figured we needed exercise kneeling down before and after we eat our healthy snacks.

First piece of swag. I originally tried to use it to measure a 300 foot radius around a house on a Google map but discovered that it was, in fact, a quad ruler. A design ruler. A rulerthatdoesnothelpmewhatsoever. Mom wants it though, score!

On Friday, I was beyond tired. You would think one would just be a little tired after a five day work week, which is completely normal, but thinking abut working on Saturday was enough to make me want to fall asleep after half a glass of wine.

Getting ready is always more enjoyable with candy and an empty glass of wine.

Saturday: The glamorous life of an Associate Producer. Cast member dog duty. Luckily Larry liked me and didn't get tangled up in my walkie cord.

The Grove fountain. It's no Trevi, but hey, what's not to like?

On my way to the go see Crazy Stupid Love after snagging a large Vanilla Ice Blended from the Coffee Bean. When I was there, the cashier asked me what movie I was going to see. I said "we are feeling like a rom com". She didn't know I was talking about the best Sunday date ever with my iPhone.

The movie was great, I suppose at this point it's better than seeing it on a date with someone I barely know and then going home to overanalyze what they were thinking during all of those sentimental moments. I went home to clean instead.

I just now realized I neglected to take pictures of my Saturday night. It was spent at Chateau Marmont in the private room in the back. If you have a chance to experience that, I highly recommend it. Not only was the ambiance perfect as always, but the waitress brought my shot of Patron Silver (which I did not pay for) over in a jiff.

I also met a boy that night. I have yet to determine if he is good enough for me or not. We will see on Wednesday night. I haven't been on a real date since whatshisface moved across the country.

I looked like a tourist on Santa Monica Blvd. this morning when I took this. I had just never seen a group of pigeons this large in such a small little area before. They were on a feeding frenzy. I guess it is better to eat with people whenever you get the chance. Just because they are annoying at times doesn't mean they don't get lonely.

El Plan.

2011-08-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

Looking at my shooting calendar today, this whole year flashed right before my eyes. While driving home from work I made a plan. This is not a plan that is hard to keep, and I intend to stick with it.

1. Work ass off.

2. Get an incredible, affordable apartment.

3. Adopt a puppy.

I can do without a roommate. I can do without a lot of things. But what I really want is a pet. I just want a companion who will stare at me after I open the door coming home from a bad day and be happy to see me. It's quite simple, really.

Dammit, RELAX!

2011-08-07T14:37:00.000-07:00

Last night, I must have written a "to do" list for my day off. Well, I guess I did, because it is right here staring at me on my desk on a wrinkled piece of lined paper, presumably something I wrote on set and took out of my bag in a tired/buzzed stupor last night.

1. Pay Credit Card
2. Pay DirecTV bill
3. Do Laundry
4. Relax

I guess this is one of those moments where I can say "I know I am busy and overworked if..." I not only have to tell myself to relax in my head, but I have to physically write it down somewhere.

As far as relaxation goes, today has been a great day off. I have relaxed by doing the following:

1. Organizing my cluttered closet (aka having my neighbor lift a very heavy box- that has been beside my dresser, on the floor, for over a year- onto a very high shelf in my closet)
2. Going shoe shopping (thank you for saving me money, ZooShoo.com, I will be the proud owner of a pair of nude pumps and taupe boots in about a week). That totally relaxed me. God, I am such a girly girl it kills me sometimes.
3. Doing laundry

While organizing my closet, however, I picked up this paper bag that I guess I haven't touched for a very long time. It was full of prizes from the sex toy party I had at my first apartment in LA. I threw it out. I mean, come on, who needs a car air freshener in the shape of a man's genitals? Not me. Oh damn, I should have asked if any of you wanted it before I threw it out. My bad.

Therapy time (folding laundry and Lady Gaga).

26 is...

2011-07-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

...coming home after a sweaty, sweltering, exasperating day of a 12 hour work(Sun)day, petting the cat, putting on my new Forever 21 pink pajama heart shorts while still wearing my glamorous new silk top, putting my hair up in a messy bun and looking into my bathroom mirror only to utter the words, "Man, I look hot."

When Life Hands You Lemons...

2011-07-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

...Throw them at a man. If only I could throw across the country. I would have to have one hell of an arm and one hell of an aim. Bullseye!

The good things about me not traveling to New York:
1. Instead of a plane ticket, I can save my money and get 3 or 4 haircuts. And it is getting hot, I need one pretty darn quickly here.
2. Instead of traveling to a place someone else lives, I can save my own money for the brand spankin' new apartment I will be stepping into, stepping into my own life.

It really does come as a surprise when you figure out someone is not who you thought they were. He may as well have written on a post-it:

I don't care about you, really.
I just got what I wanted, again.

The "again" part is what kills me. He came back to ME and then he LEFT ME thinking that we were "continuing the relationship" (<-- his fucking lies, not mine). None of this situation was fair to me and I am just the dumb fuck who refused to see it.

The thing was that last night, 3 Ketel One and sodas deep at Chateau Marmont, I realized I didn't need him. I wanted him. I trusted him too quickly. AND HE MOVED TO NEW YORK, WHAT WAS I THINKING? As a matter of fact, I am kind of pissed that he said what he did about us before he left. I really thought we were something. And I know he did too. But I guess it will always ring true that trust is about a lot of events. Trust is not about what someone says, it is about what they do.

Enough of that shit. I think what I am really going to do is find a new apartment, save my money and go to a foreign country. Maybe if I neglect to talk because I do not know the language someone will like me. "Just sit there and look pretty" is something that has been said to me, in jest and ONLY by good friends of course, so why the hell not take that overseas?

Speaking of good friends, I am beginning to realize that almost nobody will be showing up at my party on Friday night. The big soiree I was planning in my head this afternoon seemed quite extravagant to be planning for a party of one (me). I quickly imagined going into the Village Idiot alone, looking at the cake waiting for me with one lone candle (which I would be paying for, naturally) and sitting down, alone. Then, a waiter would ask me when the rest of my party would be arriving. I then imagined myself looking up at him with a sigh, smirk and a no-stress smile and saying, "it's just me".

Ah...

2011-07-16T15:51:00.000-07:00

..Space.

It's amazing when people realize that space is needed. Newsflash, I have needed it for the past 3 years. So now that I appear disappointed, frustrated, annoyed at you, you want to give me space? Well, thank you SO MUCH for bringing yourself up to the surface long enough to realize that there are other people who live here. THANK YOU.

Clearly, my own apartment is needed. And my own couch that I can lay on.

Le Nerves.

2011-07-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

Subjects/People/Things that make me nervous/disappointed/uncomfortable:

1. Turning left on a green light when there are millions of cars coming at me.
2. Seeing a guy hit on a girl who is clearly out of her league.
3. Having a guy hit on me that is out of my league.
4. Realizing that I am out of someone's league while trying to be nice. Awkward.
5. Accepting anything for free.
6. When someone else picks up the check.
7. Going to a new office.
8. Not knowing where I am going.
9. Being given an assignment and not knowing what the eff I am supposed to do/write/say.
10. Dishes in the sink.
11. A disorganized closet.
12. A man who treats me well. I think he is lying through his teeth.
13. Having a health scare.
14. Trying to ignore the red flush that comes over my face when I am nervous. People notice.
15. When my roommate is on the couch.
16. The fact that I might be alone on my birthday. (yes, even the party. I may just cancel.)
17. When people say, "don't get mad, but" and get mad when I get mad. Wait, you are the one who told me that I shouldn't be mad when you tell me something clearly disappointing, and you are mad. Holy shit, now I am confused. Why don't we just call it a day, do what you wish.
18. When people I don't know that well want to know about my sex-life (or maybe lack there of).
19. Not having anything to be unhappy or worried about. It's true. There should always be something, right? Is that even a real complaint that someone can have?
20. Being at a four way stop and not knowing when to go, as none of the other cars are going.
21. When friends do not call me back. One thing to not answer, but to not call back? Rude. I'm not some guy you are dating, I just want to make girls night out plans.
22. When certain people text instead of call. ANNOYING.
23. When the light at a major intersection has gone kaput and trying to "wait my turn", which in L.A., is pretty ridiculous. People are self involved and selfish. They just go.

Just needed to let it out today. I promised I would not stress myself out because that leads to what I believe to be the vertigo epidemic (or some shit) that is going around...or something. The world is about to stop spinning, both literally and figuratively, and I am so excited. Although the other night I did take a face dive into the hardwood floor and somehow my toes were the most bruised. I know that because I can see a giant bruise under my nail which is underneath my hot pink nail polish.

Time to get in the shower. Hope I don't fall over! (KIDDING)

Seemingly Okay Right Now.

2011-07-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

It smells like shit down here. Where is the perfume!

The only thought beating through my head this morning as I was face down in the toilet, which I had to be helped to because I was not able to walk, I was spinning and I was having a panic attack.

Believe me, I wish I had gone out drinking last night, that would have at least eased the panic. At least I would have had fun the night before. But no, last night was rather boring. I worked out after I came home, and went to bed. So what was the problem?

Well, after flipping back through my brainbook, I realized that I, for the past few days, have been drinking nothing but Diet Coke, which is my one last standing vice (That frog in my throat thing also started to make sense, I was drying up!). The only bad thing about that was that I was replacing water with Diet Coke. "Oh thank you, yes, I am very thirsty, (insert name). If you are on your way to the fridge please retrieve for me a Diet Coke."

Unfortunately for Diet Coke, they have lost one loyal customer. Unless they own Vitamin Water, in which case I have just switched beverages. Who knows. But still, this was a huge wake up call for me. I mean, I kicked cigarettes out a looong time ago. Now it is time to get rid of this one. My one last vice would be girly magazines and hello, those will not cause me to become paralyzed from the waist down for an hour. Plus, if you ever drink (I'm not talking about those stupid beach ads, either, they can shove it) Diet Coke, what is so great about it? NOTHING. I am in no way saying that Diet Coke caused my--okay I'll say it-- dehydration this morning, but I am cutting it out like Dave Coulier. Electrolytes and water now have a special place in my heart. And in my fridge.

Trimming the fat and cutting out the bad shit has never felt so good. I guess that was God's way of telling me that I need to take better care of myself. If I ignored it before, I GET IT NOW, so thank you.

California Leaps.

2011-07-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

People are fleeing California. Is there a nasty wind or something that will pop up or an unknown tectonic plate of our lithosphere coming through that I don't know about? One that won't hit New York for 2 years? Just in time for them all to flee back to California? If I could go to New York, I would. The only things keeping me here are friends, family, weather and work. Oh yeah, and a roof over my head. So if I didn't have all of those things, I would definitely just pack up and go. Not even to New York. Anywhere. I suppose I might need money too.

Maybe I am just jealous. A certain no named dreamboat of mine just left for New York. He came back to me, then left, but you know, as odd as it is, I don't feel bad about it. I think it has come with growing older. Some people may kill me for using the phrase "I am just getting older", but it's not a lie, people. I am, and yes, that means you are too. I'm not getting younger though, so maybe it will be important for me to soak up all of the single, young and free time I can by saving up all of my nuggets and taking an "Eat, Pray, Love" adventure.

Adventure in the next sixth months would be impossible. Although if it could happen now, I would click my heels, snap my fingers, and be in Barcelona.

This week (more starting next week) I have entered into the world of missing important events, not speaking with people for months, and no sleep. Yeah, I get a sort of fancy new title, but I never thought I would have to utter these silly little words: I have to cancel my birthday. But it's true. I had planned a Vegas trip with my childhood BFF, but had to cancel.

The cancellation was like a break up. If anyone knows me well, once I commit to something, I am there, 100%, no questions asked. Canceling is one of the many things in life I have never been successful at, possibly because I do not do it often. I just hate the feeling of disappointing people. The worst part is that I know people who cancel and flake ALL THE TIME, and I know how I feel about them, so in turn, I would hate for someone to feel that way about me, especially someone who has been like a sister for years. The voicemail, if I remember correctly, went something like this:

Hey, it's Elaine. I have good and bad news. Bad news is I have to cancel Vegas, please don't kill me. Good news is I have a fancy title and a new job. Please. don't be mad, ok? Just call me back to let me know that you aren't mad. So, so sorry. I promise we will do something after my craziness in January. Please don't be mad. Just call me back, talk to you soon!

Talk about a train wreck. This is someone I have been playing phone tag with for about a week, and I figured well, might as well just rip the band aid and let it out. Also, adding misery to guilt, it sounded like I was crying because I have had a frog in my throat for the past few days. So it will probably also sound like I was tearing up and just wanted sympathy, great. AWESOME.

Didn't cancel my LA celebration. THAT is still happening. I refuse to let anything get in the way of any sort of celebration of my precious life because I am not only important, I am one of the most narcissistic people I know. Ahem, only on my birthday, though. After that you have my permission to treat me like a regular person who is just waiting for everyone to figure out that she does not know what the fuck she is doing. I had a conversation with a co-worker yesterday. It was more of a cry sesh as this co- worker is one of my favorite people/good friends and since I don't have a big sister, she has (pretty vocally, I might add) assumed that position. Anyway, while I was whaling about how I thought I might be in over my head and I have no fucking clue what I am doing, she reminded me that no one really ever knows exactly what they are doing. They just jump in and hope for the best. I'm taking a leap to a stone path, running on a bridge over a creek that is 10,000 feet beneath me, running to a swinging rope over a mile long waterfall and hanging onto the rope for dear life, hoping it doesn't break. The cool/sad thing is that I can totally imagine myself doing all of those things.

Tweezing and Jumping.

2011-05-20T14:03:00.000-07:00

After a satisfactory eye brow plucking session in the bathroom and an outstanding shopping trip early this morning, I am treating myself to a lunch out of the refrigerator, and this is apparently what my period belly was craving 5 minutes ago:

1. A glass of Arbor Mist (Pinot Grigio, Island Fruit)
2. A hard boiled egg
3. A wedge of Italian Dry salami
4. The rest is TBA, but I am thinking about some some Casa Sanchez chips and Petaluma salsa

Sounds good, right?

This glass of Arbor Mist is OK, although in college I was able to share two bottles with my roommates (boy do I miss them and my master bedroom) and not feel anything.

Before this creative (?) smorgasbord, as I said, I went to the mall. Of course when I left it was freezing. Now it is hot as a tot and I am still in my Uggs and sweater. How is that possible?
Anyway I am very proud and surprised to report that I bought a jumper. Jumpers are always these things that I have battled with. Either they are see through, too up my ass, or make my arms look stupid/fat/large.

This one, however, had thick fabric. As soon as I saw it I did that thing that all women do. I don't know what possesses us but we have to touch every piece of clothing we like and/or see. Is it like dog pee? Are we claiming our territory? Who knows, but this jumper was teal (to bring out my green eyes) and HALTER which flatters just about anyone on the planet. Nothing looked funny, and trust me, if I have an inkling that anything looks funny, first I check from all angles and wiggle some things around. Then, if I don't feel comfy after that, I don't buy. This one I argued about with myself, though. I never in a million years thought I would be at the Santa Rosa Mall (for the record, their Forever 21 is gigantor, so yes we do have shopping in L.A., but it is different...) buying a jumper. But for whatever reason, today was the day. I contemplated and contemplated putting it down so many times, but for me, this was a very large fashion risk. Some people dive off cliffs on a bungee cords. I buy jumpers.

$7 Lunch.

2011-05-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I could have had a less expensive lunch today. But on days like these when I have run into too many bitches and have almost gotten hit by a few stupid LA drivers, I am just fucking thankful I have my Los Tacos around the corner for comfort. Not only am I on my period, but the weather is seriously shitty (hello, Los Angeles, it is MAY, warm the eff up).

This morning I was extremely excited to go to an interview. I drove my ars to Burbank and thought maybe it would be a good interview because I got free parking in front of the building. Contributing to this already gloomy and shitty day, I arrived at the office. Already, the vibe bugged me. I waited. And waited and waited until someone came to get me. More than once in the interview I was figuratively kicking myself in the head and saying "au contraire" to my previous assumption that this would be a kick ass interview. I was still being my awesome self but the interviewer made me feel like a P.O.S. just enough. Oh well, can't win them all over. She asked me if I felt I was a senior casting associate too. I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THAT POSITION. Really? And yes, if I had heard of that posish, I do because I am god damn good at what I do and I work hard at it.

Luckily, I had a voicemail from someone else on my way into the interview which I promptly called after the crap heap of a first one. Just because one person put a weird taste in my mouth doesn't mean I should cry about it and give up. Move on. Next, please. Duh.

On the way home, I stopped at CVS to purchase some CD's for my road trip tomorrow morning, which is probably exactly what I need. Every so often I need a break from this hell to bring me back to reality. Hah. I cast reality and I need a break to get back to reality? Did that really just come out of my mouth?

I really can't wait. I am probably going to go to a baseball game with my parents (A's vs. Giants) which excites me the most. Tickies are a little expensive, but I think we will be able to find some good ones on Craigslist or something. Also, I will most likely seeing Bridesmaids with my mom which could possibly excite me more than the game (no, they are of equal excitement percentage) because even the men I know that have seen it love it. Also, the chemistry between these actresses is something I have been dying to see. These are the kind of movies that make me wish I were a scripted casting director or en route to being one.

Time to begin my eve of CD making, luggage packing and Social Network watching. I still can't believe I haven't seen that movie.

Giveth Time.

2011-05-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

If I have learned anything in the past couple of months, it has been patience. Specifically when it comes to job issues. I am now unemployed yet again, but I have an interview tomorrow for another job. Ah, the life of a freelancer.

No matter how annoyed I become with waiting for anything, I know things will definitely come with time. Hopefully not a long time, though. Also, this little break couldn't come at a better time. I won't have to worry about wrapping a sweater around my waist this month, thank GOD. That is, unless this new company wants me to start on Wednesday in which case I would just hope for their sake they do not have white chairs.

Even though I should be soaking up all of my unemployed time, I really put myself to work today. I listed things on eBay, wrote a little bit, and helped a friend find fashionable yet practical shoes, shorts and sunglasses for his new job in which he will be in the swamps of Louisiana every day for six weeks. Oh! I also managed to go to the gym and watch 15 minutes of Grey's Anatomy which I cannot finish because even though I feel as though I live alone when I am unemployed, there is someone who comes in and promptly sits on the couch when she gets home. Maybe I will just rent a movie on iTunes this eve. Maybe not though.

I think in a years time I will have a decision to make (if I am single). Either move to New York or move to the beach. I'll probably move to the beach. ALONE. Not a day goes by that I don't miss living alone. Like everything else, however, that will come with time. A year, to be exact. I have found that if I give myself a deadline, it will most likely happen. I wish my life were a little more interesting right now so I could share my (trials and) tribulations with you. Truth is, I have been pretty happy as of late because I have pushed negativity out of my life and started to have fun. I finally figured out that when I take the drama out and insert fun, I (gasp!) happen to have the best time of my life. Like everything else I have mentioned, the ability to do that has come with time and I am happy to say that I love who I am right now. And it has nothing to do with anything but me.

Chip, Chip, Hooray.

2011-04-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

You know, when I get this love thang right, I will be able to write a kick ass song. I am so lost I don't know what to write about, but I really wish I could write a song about everything I feel. No one would ever hear it, it would just be for me. I know, sounds kind of lame...
Last night, my co worker and I celebrated 4/20 by pigging out (minus the Mary J, I really don't enjoy it) and drinking wine and beer. I was so drunk that I ordered late night food with alcohol. It wasn't that late night, it was late enough though. Late enough for my adult ass to call it a night. We arrived at The Counter and I immediately gasped at the Burger and Beer Sampler. I guess every Wednesday they have one of these and it consists of four sliders of different flavors with different sauces and they are paired with a specific beer. It was seriously music to my eyes. Also, I should add that I added on a beer to my sampler. All in all it was an amazing night, so amazing that we decided to go back for lunch on Friday at work.

Also at work, I have acheived a new found love for Chipotle. A friend told me over IM the other day that she had never had it. Upon learning this I gasped out loud (my office is preeeetttty open, so it was obvious) and reminded her that I may go into convulsions at my desk as a result of her telling me that. Seriously, Chipotle never disappoints. And their chips? Can I get another "My Gaahhhhhhd"? The thing about them is that much like Jack-in-the-Box curly fries, one whole large bag is not enough. They season the chips in like a chili lime salt and when I take a bite it is literally a bite into tortilla heaven.

What is really annoying me tonight is the fact that I have to lean down to see what I am writing because I don't have glasses on. And they are broken. Yeah. It sucks. So as much as I want to write, it is not worth me becoming the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
More tomorrow when I am fully contact lensed and at my desk.

In the Land of Women.

2011-04-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

Today, I feel like a beached whale. Wait no definitely a rhino.

NO! A hippo. At least they are cute and fat. Well, at least in hungry hungry hippo and in cartoons.

If there were ever a day I wish my office were once again full of women, it would be today. I work in an office full of gay men but just because they like the same gender as I do does not mean they know what we go through. If you haven't guessed yet, I had a little emergency today. If anyone has any tips on how to prevent leakage and still look cute..PLEASE LET ME KNOW because as of right now I have a gray sweater wrapped around my ass (waist) to prevent people in this massively cramped office from seeing the colossal red stain that is neither on the front or on the back of my jeans. It is in the middle, so yes, I have to make sure I have all angles covered. In fact, I just had some sort of covert conversation in the stairwell with my awesome red headed co worker where she looked from all angles. I think I am good, I just hope I can remember to change my tampon every effing hour.

I AM almost TWENTY SIX. Why do I always feel like I just stained my Catholic school girl uniform?

For the Love of Dog.

2011-04-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

Our TIVO has never been taken up. But today, I was cleaning it out because it got to the gross percentage of "44% space left". Of all things to hate doing, one of mine is cleaning out the TIVO, especially when there are 8 or 10 episodes of a show from 2 years ago that I will never watch and the person who recorded them forgets about them. So today I took a trip back to 2009 and although I didn't want to do this daunting task, there were some things that struck a sentimental chord. Two of the items I deleted were Marley and Me and Mamaduke. Both of those movies made me cry, and even though I can't remember if I was on my period or not, I am pretty sure that I would have cried anyway. I just love dogs, what can I say?

Before my clearing out party, which made me think of the title for this entry, I was at the gym. Being that I am never home anymore and I pretty much work my ass off all day, current events are not things that I keep up on. However, when I was listening to Jordin Sparks (baby steps, remember?) and walking on the treadmill, the news was on and there was a very sad story about a church in Hacienda Heights burning down just before Palm Sunday. Then, reading the captions, I realized that this was an act of anger. This was intentional.

I don't give a FAT FUCK what your religion is, this just made me sick. And the testimonials from all of the church-goers were enough to bring tears to my eyes. On the treadmill, my eyes went from "Don't Let It Go to Your Head" go with the gusto determination to Droopy the Dog. I am honestly surprised I didn't fall off.

I heard last week that there was a synagogue that was intentionally burned down. Unfortunately (fortunately for some people) I am rendered completely speechless.

Getting G-L-A-D Back.

2011-04-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

A haiku is short, a blog is not.
This is my blaiku, neither short or long.
And it sums up my day.

I am brilliant. I am brilliant. I am brilliant.
Time to stop being mad and getting glad.
Bought contacts on my own.
Thanks for doing it for me for so long.
If you don't like my brilliance,
That's not my problem.
And I would welcome you to that bottle of champagne over on the counter.
And you can take it and swiftly pop it up your ass.

(Non-blaiku below)
I totally skipped the gym and guess what? It was TOTALLY worth it.
......but I danced around and did aerobic style jumps in my bedroom. Like Kirsten Dunst circa 1999 in "Bring It On".

Night.

Broken.

2011-04-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

It is constant. It is like I always see that fucking red light go on my phone. But it is nothing. I keep hoping he will care enough to call, but he doesn't. I keep telling myself he is not worth caring about if he doesn't care at least enough to call. I can tell myself that all day, but it does not change how I feel.

This morning on the way to work, KIIS FM was on. I immediately switched stations to listen to Kevin and Bean, but there was a commercial on, so I switched back and was pleasantly surprised. Usually, I do not look to the Ryan Seacrest Morning Show for inspiration, but Larry King was on this morning giving "you know you are in love when...." advice. He said when the other person drives you crazy, you are in love. Check. When you have plans and the other party cancels and your are pissed, you are going to be in love. Check.

What will make me forget. Nothing right now. He hurts me every time I talk to him. Every time my phone rings and it is him a piece of my heart breaks off.

My mom sent me the best e-mails today. Totally what I needed.

Hi Mom,

Sorry been super duper swamped and busy feeling like an unlovable fool. I think ***** and I are officially over. This "relationship" was never fair to me. He expected me to always be there when he could do whatever he wanted. I still feel foolish.

I know it's hard to let go. Wrong time, wrong place. Relationships suck.
There are many worthy guys out there for you. You'll find him, just be
patient.

I thought it was him. :(

He should put you first, he should listen, he should be ther for you. He can't, he's not the one.

Yeah, I'm done making excuses. He has to seriously step up to the plate if he wants anything to do with me. I just want to be happy again.

you will be.

i think the fact that he doesnt care to call after i ripped him ANOTHER new one last night makes me feel the worst. And he knows it drives me crazy when he doesn't respond. ASSHOLE. If you don't care that much, then you don't deserve to be cared about!

Try to move on. You are spending way too much time on this one. You cannot change a man. You cannot go into a relationship thinking you can. Find someone you don't have to change.

She always knows best (which is a good segue to the cheesy song I am putting below). You can make fun if you wish in the comment section below. I am really sensitive right now but I am also one bitter bitch.

When it Comes to Men...

2011-04-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

...women are schmucks.

But men are just schmucks in general. For them it is a bad term, for us it just means when we are in love, we are dumb.

Let me take you a ride through my "love train":

1. Last week I threw up 3 times.
2. I went through a night where I only slept for 3 hours.
3. Went through 2 bottles of champagne (on separate nights).
4. After said bottles of champagne, I didn't feel like any of the pain went away.
5. Became a drunkard with my girlfriends who were proud of me for doing what I did even though I was visibly sad and looked like a bitter bitch, looking like I wanted to be alone drinking at the bar, leading me to think, what the fuck did I let this person do to me? This is not me. I am the good one, the happy one, the one who enjoys everything in life.
6. I went through all of Kelly Clarkson's songs. Pretty much all of them applied to me in some way. Yes, from all 3 albums. And yes the 2nd one did not get that much critical acclaim, but I still listen to it and I <3 it.
7. After Kelly, I went on to go through my entire iTunes library to make a playlist appropriately titled "UGH" which was on repeat at the gym the whole week.
8. The man who put me through all of this shit decided it was okay to talk to me after I told him it was over.
9. Stupidly, and much too soon to tell, I thought he had changed his tune.
10. Realized I was effing stupid for believing that fact and therefore, ran off my whole days caloric intake at the gym and listened to my "UGH" playlist which has grown into a Monster as opposed to its younger sibling, the Goblin. And the list is still growing.
~~11. I realized I was way too good to let anyone get to me like this.~~ Maybe next week. Baby steps. Too soon.

In other news, I did take a brief shopping trip with my lovely roommate where I realized I did in fact fit into a small in everything, unless I was trying on a zip up dress (boobs). I left with some short shorts, a tank, and a neon and gray striped off the shoulder t-shirt which is quite possibly the most comfortable piece of clothing I have ever put on my body. Seriously if you can't figure out what to wear, go with an off the shoulder. Those tops are always in fashion (or maybe I have just made it that way) and pretty damn comfy to boot.

We then meandered our way to our friends birthday house party at his massive kingdom off of Melrose where I drowned myself in Bud Light, Tequila and Jello Shots.

Yay, love.

Dropping, Dropping, Droppage.

2011-04-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

Since I have dropped a size in the past month or so I am faced with a dilemma. I am doing well at keeping my current size but I absolutely dreaaaaad the weekend shopping escapades that most of my like minded female friend enjoy quite a bit. I do not enjoy trying on clothes. This is a feeling I have become friends with because #1, I don't shop much anymore and #2 I buy all my clothes on eBay. But this weekend, as I embark on a spring fashion trip, I fear I MUST go into the dressing room with a heap of tank tops and shorts because....dun dun dummmm....I don't know what will effing fit me anymore. Seems that even though I am eating (sorta) right, my arms have shrunk down to twigs, I can feel my whole spine and my waist seems to have sucked itself in. My gay bestie even told me I looked anorexic and it was disgusting on Friday night. Way to kick me when I'm down, bud. I guess one thing, though, is that thankfully by bra size never changes. Lord knows the trip to Victoria's Secret's dressing room is awkward enough, but when you lose or gain a size? Not so much. I'd rather bring 10 bras in there with me than have an "associate" come help me.

Maybe my weight loss also has to do with something(one) I have "dropped" out of my life. Now ain't that a great weight loss plan? Have a person disappoint you...and listen to a hell of a lot of Kelly Clarkson.

More tomorrow.

Or Don't.

2011-03-29T22:15:00.001-07:00

Another "PS" tonight:

I "E-followed" myself and I didn't like it. Don't do it. It ruins the blog reading experience.

Boxed Wine and Tunes.

2011-03-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

At CVS today, while buying things I actually needed, I contemplated buying some Franzia. I seriously don't know what the big deal is about boxed wine. Yes, bottled wine is better, but I am a freak, and I don't get stomach aches from it and I think it it pretty convenient. A spout for wine? They have a gourmet version of boxed wine that I saw on Thrillist a couple of months ago. I'll have to look that sucker up.

This has nothing to do with boxed wine, but Britney Spears' new album is pretty damn delightful. Every song is perffff for the gym and that is pretty much what I look for these days.

(Please, for the love of God, try to ignore those stupid graffiti lyrics. I hate them as much as you do. Just cover your eyes and listen to the song.)

Another newbie song I lovelovelove is by Christina Perri. The song is called "The Lonely" and it may be a little melodramatic, but it is really a beautiful song and I adore her voice. I knew I would like this song because I loved "Jar of Hearts", which is/was my quintessential heartbreak song. So now it is safe to say I have a new youhateme/youraloserbutI'mstilllonelywithoutyou songs.

Talk to you this weekend, or maybe in seven weeks, whichever comes first. Wait...

Rope Scream?

2011-03-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

PS: You should all know that as I was chowing down on my melted Ralph's Brand Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream that I heard a scream come from the house next door. It was clear and shrill, sounded like it was from out by the cars in his backyard but I couldn't stomach looking outside. Just sayin'...

Home Sweat Home.

2011-03-28T22:31:00.000-07:00

Ah, home.

That is precisely what I thought when I walked in the door with 3 bags of groceries on my right arm and two in my left hand and looked at little Pebbles sitting on the clean hardwood floor. She then jumped to the kitchen counter which some people said they absolutely could not get clean (guess what? I did!) while I was retrieving the other 5 bags from the trunk of my car. Seeing her up on the counter, my crisp, clean, sparkling counter, made me feel more at home. It should, too, because sure as shit sweat up a fucking storm getting it to look that way. I am convinced now that I will have to do this every 2 months or so because someone doesn't have time. I won't have time now either because I got a JOB today!!!! Well, it is only for 7 weeks, but I need it.

Cleaning my God forsaken apartment has made me realize that beneath the grime and the dust balls lies a shiny hardwood floor and nice tile counters. It is hard to see the "niceness" of the apartment when on top of the fact that NONE of our cabinets close all the way, there is salt and droplets from Jenny Craig meals on the tile counter that no one cares to clean. This was the point when I said to myself, I am done ignoring it until you clean it up. I am cleaning it up. So I did, obviously, starting with the fridge, which had NEVER been cleaned (I learned this when I sent a phone pic to this person). I lifted out many strands of black and brown hair (Brown or black hair, I do not have) along with all of the scuzzy shit.

When I was loading the fridge with my groceries, I was no longer worried about wiping my bag of carrots on something sticky, I just sliiiiiid it into its very own produce drawer.

And I am so proud (next week, it might be all messed up, so I might as well enjoy it now, right?).
All I can do right now is think about what I am going to do tomorrow, my last day off. I don't have to look for a job, I don't have to go to an interview. The day is mine. Instead of doing something outstanding, I think I will just get up, go to the gym, go to the bank (need to deposit scraps), write and maybe watch a movie. So exciting.

E-Follow.

2011-03-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

<------ If you look to the top left hand corner of this blog, you will see a "follow by e-mail" box. If you don't want me to know that you read my blog or whatever, (and I know you are there) you can get automatic e-mail updates. I won't know a thang.
I also found these photos I'd lovelovelove to share because I am just sososo awesome.

SO EFFING TRUE. I love fast food, but do I eat it? Okay I had Taco Bell two weeks ago but I was on my period. I like to speed, but that is illegal. Sometimes I like to judge people "just for the hell of it" and that is most definitely immoral. Taco Bell and nachos and ice cream and 7-11 taquitos are fattening, diet coke is addictive. I have expensive taste (clothes, shoes, food...I can't afford to even be a foodie right now, hence my previous post about 7-11 coffee...eeeerrmmm) and finding my dream job is (nearly) impossible. See? SO EFFING TRUE.

Interpret this how you may. I say this is the "guiding light bridge" because the light is not entirely at the end, it is guiding you to the end. Maybe not the end, but the destination, which becomes brighter and brighter as you go across the bridge. I hate when people say "light at the end of the tunnel". I say it sometimes too, though. And it makes sense, applies to everything, I get it. But I would much rather think of this, for me, as a bridge I can and will cross when the time is right and when certain people stop being douche bags and let me cross the damn thing.

This doesn't need explanation. Being above everything would be a dream. Plus, being in a jungle or a forest? Cha-ching!

Everyone wants to fly and so do I.

If I Could Just...

2011-03-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

Drive away.

As I write my "to do" list for the day on the back cardboard of a pad of paper, (I have a notebook, but it is underneath all of my Ebay items) my mind is becoming pretty clear. I had an interview this morning where the lady basically treated me like a child. I'm thinking to myself, after almost 4 weeks of this bullshit I just want to drive away with an unlimited supply of gas and never come back. I don't want to kill myself, I still want to live. But I'm single and free. What is really stopping me? Aside from bills and family and friends and that one thing. Oh, money.

I do feel like a child because I cannot type over 45 words per minute. I just can't do it. When I finished the typing test and met with the career agent she gave me a fake smile and said with her tacky New York accent, "well sweetie, there's always part-time". At that point, not only did I imagine her chewing gum and blowing smoke in my face but I wanted to take my resume, crumple it up, and throw it in her face. I suppose it isn't her fault, though. I wanted to ask her how she got her job, but I didn't. I just walked. Walked away.

Driving away would be so easy. When the going gets tough, though, as I have said before, stay put. Running does not solve anything, and even if I run, I am still running with myself.

7-11 coffee has refills for $0.99 all day. Ah, the perks of being at home all day and all night all week. Maybe that is all I will have today? I don't have much of an appetite but I need to stay energized so maybe that is just the way to do it. When I get my job though, maybe I should invest in a coffee maker? Yes, I think so.

Oh yeah and tonight is the night of the kitchen crevice cleaning. I'll let you know how it turns out as soon as I am dunzo. It will sparkle, dammit.

Whaaaa???

2011-03-27T19:49:00.001-07:00

I am the first website if you search "The Little Deets" on Google? Is that just because I search it?

Answers, people, answers!

PS: Like my makeover? I thought it was time for something "fresh".

An Unusual Form of Inspiration.

2011-03-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

Last night, while I was trying to get better by sitting on the couch, drinking water, petting the cat and watching television, I started watching an encore presentation of Dancing With the Stars. This is not only a show I don't watch, it is a show I refused to watch (because I took all of the ballroom dancing I could take in a lifetime while I was assisting a dance photographer in college for four months, going to show after show after show) until my mom had me watch it with her one night while I was visiting the homestead. I thought, okay, this is not that bad. Even still, I never watch it.

But a weird thing happened last night as I was watching large and in charge Wendy Williams practice for her dance. She said "tears for me are not a sign of weakness, they are a release of stress". Just thinking about the fact that she said that made me completely happy and I was inspired immediately. I try not to cry in situations of utter frustrations. I try to just plug on through, but sometimes, it gets so stressful, bottling up all of that...well....stress. I have never believed for a minute that I was a weak human being but some people have made me think in my life that crying is a sign of weakness. Nah. Wendy was right. It isn't like I go out and about and cry my way down the street, but this is a stressful and frustrating time for me and that is all it is. When people say sad I think of funerals and plane crashes and natural disasters and heart wrenching pain. I do not lead a sad life. Everyone has stress, so thank you, Wendy. I will still only listen to your talk show as background for writing but you have inspired me.

Fragrance Free is the Way To Be.

2011-03-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

Are you kidding me? You have got to be kidding me. The gal that e-mailed me about an interview told me to "make sure and not wear any fragrance". Maybe she meant heavy fragrance? But even so, isn't that a little....weird?

I think it's weird, but I am still going to go. I might actually get a kick out of this lady. Something to write about.

Still searching for a job. Asking for any sort of help with anything makes me feel absolutely absurd, stupid, worthless, good-for-nothing, so I have started to sell some of my useless DVD's on Ebay. Not a bad idea, eh? I only listed one though. There is just something that scares me about it. What if something doesn't sell? That would mean I paid Ebay .25 for nothing in return. I suppose that is how they make money, but that doesn't mean I can't be a little wary, especially since I have scraps coming in the mailbox every two weeks.

Watch out people, this might become a blog entitled "Unemployed in Hell-A".

Kidding.

Still shaking this cold. Remember how I said I went to a dinner on Thursday night? Yep, it was a bust. Come to find out the man has two daughters. Yeah, as soon as I saw that I think I mentally checked out. I mean, yes, I want a family at some point. Great for him, but I want to go through that with someone. So that's over. 'Twas fun while it lasted, right? Too bad he is my friend on Facebook. I can't believe I was stupid enough to do that. I have gone so long without ever adding anyone I ever date anymore to Facebook. Too much un-needed drama. So the real question is...do I delete him? I mean, I have only known the guy for two weeks and he was never my friend. He doesn't really have business knowing what is going on in my life. Hmm.

My roommate is out of town this week. Being that she doesn't clean, I have decided that this week I am going to go through every crevice of the apartment and pick up the dust balls that are constantly congregating underneath cupboards and in the corners behind the couch, etc. I swear, if since last year I had never picked any of those little balls up, we would be living in a mountain of dust. I guess some people are okay with that. Guh-ross. I keep reminding myself that if I ever want to move out of this effing apartment and to the beach I need to get a job (among other reasons, of course) and dammit, I am going to do it and I can't fucking wait.

Time to do the dishes because, OF COURSE, I will be left with them since most of them are not mine and someone is leaving tomorrow morning for a week. Bah-humbug. After which I am going to relax and watch an awesome (sarcasm) movie called Motherhood starring Uma Thurman about a woman who is a mother. I was convinced by my own mom not to go to the gym because "if you are sick at the gym people look at you treating you like you have the plague". I replied, "you mean, like a Leper? Are they going to throw stones? I'll bring my helmet. Can you imagine me on the treadmill wearing a football helmet?". Then we both laughed because actually, we could imagine me on a treadmill with a big football helmet on my head. Halloween costume, anyone?

Okay okay. Dishes.

(PS: Someone just asked me to check and see if the laundry room was in use, and if I had never been asked to do that, I would have never stepped in dog shit. "Let's just hope it was from a dog," is what was squeaked back to me. Nice. Real nice. I guess the powers that be really wanted me to be fragrance free.)

The Day I Didn't Go to the Gym.

2011-03-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

Waking up, I felt a tickle in my throat. Could I be getting sick again? Yes, yes I could. Trying to ignore it after hours and hours of job searching and managing to get 2 more interviews for next week (woohoo), I decided I would head to the gym. If these sniffles get any worse tomorrow I might not be able to go to the gym, right? So I got into the car, started on my merry way and then on Hollywood Blvd., there was a traffic jam. It was then that I decided since I could not see this ending anytime soon, I would turn onto Formosa, where there were (of course there were, but I couldn't see them until after I turned) 3 big ass U-Haul trucks battling it out, seeing which one should back in or pull in first. Me being me, I threw my hands up, started blasting my music and just sat there. This circus show lasted for what seemed like an eternity, but I finally inched my way in between the gigantic beasts. On my way home, as I discovered on my way out, it looked like it was going to rain, but obviously it wasn't. People still drove like they were in the rain. Why do they drive crazier in the rain? That will always stump me. L.A., you kill me every effing day, and you make me feel like an idiot.

Upon arriving home, I discovered that I had a bag of 99 cent gummy bears in my cupboard, teaching me one thing: Gummy Bears ALWAYS trump the gym. I will probably go to the gym tomorrow, but clearly, these gummy bears were calling my name before I even left the house to go to the gym. The bag is almost gone.

To continue my day o' gluttony, someone is cooking me dinner tonight. Home cooked. Ah. Thank the Lord for people that actually want to be nice to me.

Everything is Backwards.

2011-03-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know if "appropriate" is the right word here, but I'll give it a go.

Is it appropriate that I am kind of buzzed after having a bowl of soup, 6 gummy bears, a piece of bread and 3 glasses of wine? Well hot damn. When I look at it all written out like that, it makes a lot of sense.

Anyway, I went to the gym with my t-shirt on backwards. Not that people care. But I do. Realizing after my 500 calorie workout that my navy blue pajama shirt front pocket was on the back of my t-shirt was little embarrassing. Good thing I had a hoodie. On the way out of the locker room I ran into an old co-worker who is also out of work. Seems like the story for a lot of people these days. I do have another interview on Monday though, so we shall see.

One more little deet for tonight. I don't know why (seemingly) I was the last one to jump on this gravy boat, but there is this website, StumbleUpon, which I literally STUMBLED UPON. This is a website used for pure boredom and it will be the death of me. I even installed the toolbar on my browser so I have the ability to "like" or "dislike" any website that is shown to me. The way they determine what websites are shown to you is upon entry. You sign up, choose what you are into (Photography, Music, Cute things, whatever) and then you "Stumble!" to every single page that relates to your check marked picks. Honestly when I got home from the gym, I saw that a friend had posted something from this site, and it took me two hours to jump in the shower and get my night together. I think I am going to delete the toolbar. Not totally conducive to everything in my life I am trying to accomplish at this very moment. And probably many moments after this. That website would be an example of me working backwards, as if I actually did have a job where I could fart around on the computer in my downtime. Eff me.

Night.

40 Words per Minute.

2011-03-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

Maybe if I didn't feel like I had to crap my pants the entire time the stupid typing test was going on, or the girl next to me wasn't typing a million words a minute I would have gotten to the 45wpm mark. It was not helping me listening to her graceful graze over the keyboard. And I know this may come off as an excuse, but their keyboards were PREHISTORIC. I only type on a Mac, dumbfucks. Read: flat keyboards. Also at the risk of sounding like a total snob (I don't care) their monitors were huge BUBBLES. Maybe someone needs to welcome them to the 21st century. Hopefully since they want to see me tomorrow typing is not something they are looking for me to be an expert in. The whole time I was thinking about my last typing test which was in high school, with a creepy curly haired 70+ teacher who ate lunch that smelled like vomit. Crap and vomit. So appetizing.

Speaking of appetizing, I have been dating out of pure boredom. The thing is though, I don't feel the least bit bad about it. These men know that I don't want anything serious. They may not know that I love someone else (another story, another time). So it isn't like I'm fucking with them. I'm just seeing what's out there. No harm, no foul. They do it all the time, and since my life is anything but super splendiferous right now, why not? Something else to think about. It is still surprising to me, however, how many men actually want to date me. Sometimes I throw that "yeah, I'm between jobs" their way just to see if they care. And they don't. Lucky me.

Anyway, this job thingy is a pain in my ass still, but I will get an effing job. I have to. And it will be great. I will be great. This sure beats the attitude where I try to OD on NyQuil. Has anyone ever done that, anyway?

Time for my chicken burger. Toodies.

My Neighbor is an Axe Murderer.

2011-03-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe my next door neighbor is an axe murderer. No, not my real next door neighbor in my apartment building. The guy in the house next to it. I never see him except for late at night when I am throwing out the trash and he is fixing his cars. He has three in his backyard. An old Ford Explorer, a Nissan Xterra and there is a Scion that seems to be changing colors (or maybe I am the crazy one). If I had his yard, though, it would be a helluva lot more decorated. I guess you can't ask a lot from an axe murderer.

His yard is full of dirt and weeds. The cars are over a pile of round rocks, because GOD FORBID they get dirty with actual dirt. There is an ugly ass green plastic picnic table in the very back behind the small shed (creepy) with cobwebs all over it and an ash tray on top. There are flowery cushions on the two chairs beside the four sided table. He is a man and as I mentioned probably a psycho killer so again, what can I expect. He may use the table for late night questioning between him and his victim? My walls aren't that thick though, so I would probably be able to hear that.

If I had a yard like that, oh the things I could do. Yesterday, I was walking with one of the twins going back to the car from a wonderful stroll on Melrose. There was a dinner party going on at one of the houses that was totally blocked off. Just the sound of it sounded fancy. I immediately imagined chinese lanterns and tea lights everywhere. We could hear the *clink* of fancy silverware and almost just taste the champagne we imagined they were pouring. It was probably Moet, Dom, or Crystal, all of which I have been lucky enough to try. Sigh. There seemed to have been some music in the background, I think it was classical music. They probably had a nice wooden table outside with an umbrella and perfectly groomed pillows on their chairs. I imagine it wasn't a black tie affair, probably a garden party. As we looked into the driveway, it was gated with a Porsche Cayenne, black and clean, neatly parked on the gracefully laid bricks. Must be the life. That's all I want. A seemingly small house with a front and backyard to have garden parties. In the back would be a hammock over perfectly groomed grass. The pillows on the hammock would be fluffy velvet and it would be big enough for me to share with my love (who is now just a mans body without a face) and small enough for me to reach over to grab my glass of wine or coffee and pick up the dog or cat to sit with me and take a (probably much needed at that point) nap.

Yes, that's all I want. Love, great friends and family always around, a 2 million dollar house, a garden party, a dog, a cat, and a nice little car.

On another note, I just saw a hornet outside while I was checking the mail. I thought Oh lucky day! Maybe I will get stung by a hornet, be in such pain I need to go to the ER and meet a doctor. Minus the doctor and ER part, that would just be the icing on my shit cake, don't ya think?

Applied for about 17 million jobs this morning. Crossing fingers, maybe I'll get a phone call. Now, it's time to eat something and pull myself together for the gym. Toodles.

Night at the Roxbury.

2011-03-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

In an effort to "fuggit abat it", blow off some steam, dance it off, whatever you want to call it, I drank myself to oblivion last night. No job, no man to lean on, basically no friends to lean on (one friend just went through a major tragedy, and I don't like to talk to a lot of people about my being constantly down in the dumps lately, so maybe that is my own fault), so the only thing left to do was go to a club, get in for free and drink free booze. Had I known this vodka we were drinking was basically the same as Popov I may not have just spent 10 or so minutes brushing my teeth trying to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth.

But not to worry, I'm okay. Ralphing usually makes me feel better. Until I started to realize this morning why I felt the need to have a friend (I said no friends to lean on) hold my hair back as I puked up my cranberry and vodka. I had barely eaten anything yesterday. You would think I would learn by 25 that I can't go out drinking only eating a few graham crackers, some ice cream, and a BBQ chicken salad.

Despite all of this, I had a good time. The Roxbury is actually where the Green Door used to be, and that was one of my faves like 2 years ago. The music was good, and most everyone was pretty nice. I even ran into someone I knew once that I didn't really care for.

So the lesson I have taught myself is this: Even if it is free booze, it doesn't mean it is good booze. The reason a waiter from Morton's got that table was because he didn't pay for Grey Goose. Hey, I wouldn't be able to afford that either, but lesson learned. Go with the good stuff, or puke it up later. I guess I just wanted to get drunk though. And don't worry, I had the cajones to pour my own drink, so if anyone had roofied me, it would have been me, and that doesn't benefit anyone.

I have to wash my hair, it doesn't smell like anything but I did sleep in my makeup and I'd like to have the pleasure of feeling normal. I cannot forget that despite all of this shit (and the fact that I paid for the 22.95 cab ride back to my friends car on the other side of town) the end of the night went very very well. I managed to slip my sweatpants over my non existent ass and pull on an oversized t-shirt. I curled up, turned my phone OFF and went to sleep on my amazing bed with my Egyptian cotton sheets. That is probably what I should have done 5 hours before. Oh well.

Singled Out.

2011-03-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

My friend saw Jim Carrey in Beverly Hills which made me think of Jenny McCarthy (he dated her), who once hosted that MTV show "Singled Out" that my friends and I were OBSESSED with in the 90's. I always thought it would come back. I would totally go on it, even if just for shits and giggles...

...Anyway....

Anyone who wants to date me should know this:
(As of March 11, 2011 this is my "dating profile")

1. I am in between jobs which is, I know, SO attractive
2. I like to shop the clearance aisle of the grocery store (that one started today, until I realized the expiration date for everything, even the hummus, was today, so nevermind)
3. I like to spend most of this useless time alone
4. I don't like spending money
5. My fridge consists of 4 things: a chef salad, a BBQ chicken salad and two bottles of wine one named "Wink" and the other named "Big Kahuna" because I am a sucker for cool labels
6. I'm not really good at anything
7. Once I get a job I will be much happier, only to be down in the dumps again when that job is over, so my moods are up and down
8. I am a generally happy person except for right now
9. I can't cook for shit
10. I like to go to the beach but not if I have to pay to park, or if there is a tsunami

Anyone? Any takers? Yeah, I didn't think so. But if anyone has anyone let me know, I will go out with them, as long as they foot the bill after they get me drunk enough to slur but not so drunk I can't stand. Keeping it classy.

(end note: please don't take this seriously. I'm not.)

Unthinking.

2011-03-09T20:46:00.000-08:00

It's hard to hold hope that 2011 is going to be a great year. BUT, while I am wallowing in the fact that I may be an unemployed quarterlife degenerate, I can certainly count my blessings, and there have been quite a few, it's holding on to them that is becoming a challenge. The thought of losing these emotions and people makes me feel absolutely wretched (I was going to say "positively wretched" but that seemed a little off, just a little).
I just skipped out to buy a bottle of wine from my next door neighbor, 7-11. Most of it will probably be consumed tonight because--let's face it--I don't have anything better to do. Plus, it may make my screenplay a little friskier and give it just the edge I was looking for but I could not fully achieve without my mood "enhanced". Here goes. Gulp. Ew, I knew I should have gone with the Moscato, that shit is like juice. And although Barefoot Sauvignon Blanc is not my favorite, I always pick it, even when there is the option of it's sweeter sister wife, Moscato. I guess I will never know why I keep going bitter. Maybe I should try red wine. Ick, strike that from the record. For one, it stains my teeth and tongue and for two, I am never feeling that bitter.

One blessing of this evening is that I have turned my phone off and managed to keep it off for a record 1 hour now. Usually I would crack, wondering who left a frantic voicemal wondering where I was or who left an angry Blackberry message wondering if I deleted their pin number for good. Turning my phone off gives me the ability to unthink. The things I have been thinking about all day, for instance. Will they e-mail me back about the job? Will he actually call today? Is it time to pay my cable bill yet? What do I have to buy at the store? Will constantly looking at my phone make me think that I might have something interesting going on in my life when in fact, nothing of the sort is going on at all? Yes, it is true, turning my phone off means undoing calendar reminders, unthinking about boys, unthinking about all of the things that I find amiss or feel stressed out about. Without my phone, it is just me and my words. Me and my computer and my stereo blasting "Born This Way" (I actually like the song even though it is clearly a Madonna rip off. If I were Whitney I would be offended by the remark Gaga made at the Grammies this year about "thinking about Whitney when I wrote this". In fact, I would be offended if I were Madonna, too) Unfortunately the phone off thing is not a blessing I can count on for too too long because people might actually start to wonder where I was. Or would they? Juuust kidding.

There are certain blessings I will never have to try and hold on to. Family, friends, etc. But there is one that has come into my life recently that I feel slipping through my fingers. This person claims I am the only one true thing in their life, but I feel them pulling away from me. THAT is the wretched feeling. And I can't do anything about it. Ooofta. Definitely something I want to unthink about. It is just so hard when someone is so far away I cannot help but just blame myself. I put myself in this situation. I put my heart on the line. I know I should not have done it and I should put a stop to it right now. I have the guts to do it, I am just afraid of losing him. There I said it, him. Have you ever felt such an undeniable connection to someone for no reason? Well, there has to be a reason, but there is absolutely nothing about this person I don't like. Some things that some people find to be extremely annoying are charming and endearing to me. When I start getting jealous or insecure, he doesn't walk away. Someone (maybe several someones, actually) has told me that if it is the right person, there is nothing you can do to scare them off. We are getting thrown into pretty murky waters though, folks. Nothing is necessarily wrong, I think (and this is extremely hard to admit) he and I just realize that we can't be anything but friends right now. For me though (also hard to admit), I can't deal, it isn't enough. It always just feels right. Everything with this person, ahem, him feels right. He is one chapter I will never forget, no matter how hard I will try and try again. And I may not have to forget. Who knows.

I should be thinking about getting a job. I had a great interview today, though. Even though my mascara was (unknowingly, it was moist and hot out today) all over the place due to my eye rubbing, I think it went great. I was chipper even though I was sweating in my boots and navy blue sweater. I hope I nailed it, and you know what? First instinct? It only goes up from here!

So maybe I should recount my blessings. Besides that one thing, things are looking up, so I am going to (try) to put a halt to bullshit and keep unthinking my way to the top of the totem pole.

Cheers to unthinking.
PS: I am on my second mini glass of wine.

The Mountains are Alive with Sounds of Wisdom.

2011-03-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

Today, I went hiking in the Santa Monica Mountains with a very wise twin. As we ferociously walked up the mountain avoiding lions and jumping over snakes, in the 3 mile hike (1.5 up, 1.5 down) my twin made me realize that right now, even if I am in a funk, I am back on top. Now I can do what I want without that person standing in my way. This was not a set back nor a hiccup because I did nothing wrong, it is merely a jumping off point to start negotiations and figure out what I really want to tackle. I know she is no fortune teller, but she also said that something that I will be totally happy with will come out of this. I hate the bullshit everything happens for a reason (and i have found my mouth uttering those very syllables at least 10 times today...20 seconds I'll never get back...) but for whatever reason, this happened to me and for whatever reason, these are the cards I have been dealt and I would not have been given this pile of shit if someone somewhere did not thing I could turn it into a golden ticket. And I am determined to do just that.

It turns out a hike and a friend can do wonders, even if I had to dig myself out of an emotional rut to get there. I'm not gonna lie, I am still pretty disgusted and in a bit of a lull, but it is turning around and the "pill" that I was talking about yesterday is becoming easier and easier to swallow.

It's Bad Reference Friday.

2011-03-04T16:16:00.000-08:00

Usually Friday is my favorite day of the week. Not this one. Maybe I should look at this as milestone. I, Elaine Nunez, know what it feels like to have a knife wedged into my vertebral column. For those of you wondering, that was my polite way of saying "I have been truly stabbed in the back, sucker punched, had the wind knocked out of me, been fucked over" (trust me, it feels like this happened all at once, and no, you have no idea what this feels like, just telling you right now). And yes, it is really the first time this has happened to me in LA. Some may say I am lucky, but I say I wish it would have happened sooner just so that I knew. But not to worry, I have become a tidbit wiser thanks to one asshole.

(IMPORTANT: just for today, if you have hunch, and inkling, or any sort of suspicion that I may take your comment/your comment may come off the wrong way, DO NOT COMMENT. Any other day I can take a few stabs, but not today, so even if you think in your head you are coming off a certain way and it may not translate to that electronically, do not comment!!!! I am doing this for my own peace of mind because I just cannot take anymore let downs or criticism. The only way I would be able to take them is if I had more than a thousand followers or something who I didn't give a rats ass about. Unfortunately I have followers who I actually care about and would prefer to hear criticism from IN PERSON. So....please and thank you. Again, feel free to comment ANY OTHER DAY, but if you care, NOT TODAY.)

An interview today went surprisingly well, despite the fact that someone I had a great working relationship with gave me a bad reference. Or so I thought we had a "great working relationship". I am just grateful my interviewer had the cajones to tell me to take this person off of my reference list. I can't really say anything bad about this person except for "you are an asshole, you'll get yours". The tough pill to swallow is that I have been listing this person as a reference for the past TWO YEARS. I would leave interviews thinking I did a great job and little did I know this person was behind my back giving me a bad name. My interviewer was so sweet to tell me, and you know, I am so effing lucky. She said that since everyone else gave me such rave reviews she wanted to see me. What if no one had ever told me. I look back at the time I spent at the restaurant looking for work. It just makes me sad. I would never do that to someone, in a MILLION YEARS. And I am not stupid enough to list someone as a reference if I didn't get along and work well with them!

L.A. is a fucking dirty place. This guy was straight up fucking with my livelihood. The fact that this person has been doing this for the past two years makes me want to puke. I could have had a real job all this time. Truth be told, there is nothing stopping me from going into the bathroom and puking my guts out. The past two years (job wise) have been a total sham. I could have been doing so much more but this person felt the need to take his bad day or his bitchiness out on me for no goddamn reason. Oh, just remembered, I can't puke, because this situation has made me not want to EAT. That is how this makes me feel. I have not shed one tear today, and maybe it is just because I know what I have to fucking do.

Quite frankly, I don't know what to do with my life.

I did do the most immature thing ever, though. I deleted this person off facebook (not that he would notice) and (not so immature) took him off my reference list and did not even give him the satisfaction of a phone call. I was so tempted though. So tempted. It was my gut reaction to call this person and cuss them out. But I'm a lady.

I applied to every job and contacted pretty much everyone I knew. I have been glued to my desk (my one and only true love) chair in silence for hours. I did run off some aggression at the gym (thank you LA Fitness membership). And there have been no tears. There has been a helluva lot of grinning and bearing, though. And I have managed to get a breath in here and there.

This incident just really made me feel like I am not good at anything. It is just one persons opinion, but it hurts, just looking back. I have yet to find my niche. I have yet to find that one thing that I know I am 100% good at. I am no waste of space, but this feeling is absolutely horrific. I feel worthless, unskilled, useless. Maybe I am just meant to marry a plastic surgeon and have little plastic babies.

BUT, I know I can't change the past, so onward and upward it is. Even if I don't know where I am heading. I'm 25 for God's sake. Where the HELL is my answer. I wish something just fell into my lap or out of the sky and told me what to do. I may live in LaLa Land, but this is no movie. Not in the least.

PS I may have forgotten to mention that the job I thought I had on Monday fell through because people brought their own people in. Nice. It would have been helpful if you told me that a while ago though so I wasn't turning down jobs for you. Thoughtful people everywhere!!!! Oh forgive me, I must remember that most people here lack character and some necessary management skills...

Vegas, Part II......????

2011-02-26T10:41:00.000-08:00

Truth is I don't know how many times I have been to Vegas since I turned 21. I do remember one year where I didn't go at all. One year out of four and a half. So I have no clue how many times I have gone. One thing is for sure. I have never gone "just for the hell of it". And what would be the point? It isn't like I have all these fab connections or tons of money flowing out of my ass.

This time, it is a Bachelorette party. Should be fun although I don't know how many eligible bachelors without some sort of STD we will run into. Men seem to flock to Bachelorette parties, but trust, I am not looking for a man in Vegas. Ew. Anyone that finds one, sans STD, is one lucky bitch because I feel like if I am within a foot of some of those skeezy guys I will contract one. I may be uptight, but fuck it, creepiness.

Obviously everyone is late getting to my house right now. It just baffles me that the one person that was complaining about waiting around until 10:30 isn't even ready and gave me a lecture about not having my friend here by 10AM. Fun taker outers and ruiners of experiences listen up. You have a new member.

I am gonna have a fun though, always do!!!

See you tomorrow!!!

Fetus: COMPLETE.

2011-02-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

...Not!

When I typed the title to this entry I was oh so excited to open and set up my brand spankin' new printer. I did set it up. I hooked it into my computer. I put the CD installation in the drive. "Not compatible with this system", the screen said. Not believing what I saw, I clicked again. And again. One more time. One last time. Once again. Shite. Something that I was so happy about turned into complete shit. I just always think of my computer as "new", you know? Yes, I have had it for over 4 years, but it is my baby. I have saved it, I have taken it to Hawaii, I have taken it to Italy. I have taken my baby across the country and when it isn't compatible with other office instruments, it makes me so upset. Like as if it were a real baby that no one liked. Or that no one liked but they were afraid to say it. They don't even make computers like my big Mac Black anymore. Ho hummmmm. I guess this is the world's way of telling me that I need to give in and purchase a desktop. A giant desktop.

Another even more gigantic baby I had the pleasure of dealing with was my car, Metal Head. I took care of her (yes, she's kind of a bad ass) by giving her a new oil filter and getting her an oil change. She is much happier now, thanks EZ Lube. That was a great experience, but at the end, I felt like I should tip them they were so nice. Do you tip oil guys? Usually I just stay in my car while they do it, but these guys were exponentially better than Jiffy Lube, or Mr. Oil. Hmmm.

That's all for today.

Shmeeeeee-Day. Veeeee-Day. D-Day. Whatever.

2011-02-14T11:35:00.000-08:00

Showing my Valentines Day spirit at its bestest.

I wore black and dark gray to my interview this morning. I straightened my hair for the first time in months. Straight=SERIOUS. Even on Valentines day. It may be a sappy holiday, but I am not going on the sappy train to flowers and candy with the rest of you. I am staying right here, with my true Valentine. My computer and office. It seems, and please correct me if I am wrong (actually, spare me), that although I am obsessed with my home office set up, it never lets me forget that I have work to do. That is a very good thing, yes, but not when I want to just eat and relax.

I also just remembered that I left my Sweethearts at my friend Karen's apartment. But now I am remembering that I have a bowl of cherry flavored Hershey's kisses and three diet cokes in the fridge. Those will probably be the only things with a hint of red in them that I will eat today. No berries, no licorice, no red apples, no tomatoes. I don't usually eat those things anyway, so it isn't even that I'm bitter, see?

Happy eff-day. Happy whateverthehellyouwantittobe-day. It is really just an empty holiday. No one ever celebrates the real reason for Valentines day, you know. It all stemmed from St. Valentine, people. This holiday is about 14 (February 14th, duh) martyred saints. Yes, martyrs die for their beliefs, but am I wrong to think that it is wrong to celebrate the deaths of 14 people (even if it was their choice) with shiny heart shaped red balloons and chocolates that are bad for you anyway?

And where the fuck did that ugly cupid come from anyway? If I saw him/her I am pretty sure I would want to stuff a sock in his/her mouth or punch him/her. I would also shoot that arrow in one of their asses. (Yeah, how would that feel, Cupid? You never thought about that, did ya?) Unless they brought me a handsome prince and dressed me in Vera Wang. But that is not going to happen.

But hey, I am all for celebrating Valentines Day with people that actually matter and will always be there. My family and my pets and my home office. They will never leave me. And some friends.

Okay, I have to get some real work done. Character development is calling my name. And so is that Fresh 'n' Easy Jambalaya in the fridge. Maybe I will take a tiny break and think about what kind of boxed wine I am going to buy myself tonight.

Extrasuperawesomehiddentalent.

2011-02-13T17:38:00.000-08:00

Here it is. It is no secret that I like to dance in front of my mirror when getting ready for anything but lately I have been super dancy and one thing I have realized is that I am quite awesome. Maybe if I had given myself the chance when I was younger to really excel in the art of hip hop dancing I would have done something with it. Nah, actually at this age I would have already retired. Also, I don't have the chest of a little boy.

The supersecretawesome part of this is that it is something I make an effort to hide. I like dancing at clubs (even though I rarely go to them anymore) but I have discovered that I am also a great choreographer. If only I could remember the steps I do on the fly like I do in my bedroom. It is like Step Up 2 everyday. If some people could only experience this, they would think I was Step Up AWESOME.

It is hidden for a reason though....

(looking into the bright light, pondering)

...actually it isn't, but I would like to keep it that way.

But if you seem to catch me in a lil' dancin' mo' in my room when you so loudly open the door and storm into the apartment and plant your ass on the couch when I am about to watch television, (can you sense the bitterness) then so be it, it is (probably) not like you have ever spared me seeing you doing something embarrassing.

Another super awesome thing about today is that I have realized that I have this talent of throwing out advice if I don't like it. This happened a couple times today. Mainly when one particular person told me that my "situation" was exactly like her "situation with (insert douchbag of the week here)". I haven't been with anyone for a long time, and someone finally makes me happy....

....not listening to her, no right to give ME advice.

Again, as I have said before, I wanted to say "FUCK YOU" but I refrained. If it happens again, I am not going to be able to keep my mouth shut, though. This person got under my skin for like 10 minutes. Then it was out the other ear. That's it. Done. AND SHE DIDN'T HAVE A POINT. I guess I am going to go back to being private. There is a reason I don't tell people like this person what is going on. There is also a reason I only listen to my mother's advice. Back to it.

Back to my superawesomeness.

LA WEEKEND

2011-02-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

Figuring this out after almnost 4 years makes me feel pretty retarded. Maybe I knew it existed, but my pre-LA brain never ever absorbed one simple fact.

Everyone works. All the time. (If you want to make it<---it was important to put that there)

Now this could just be me getting older (my 29 year old roommate would kill me for saying this, but she stayed up later on Friday night than I did, so she has more than proven her lost youth) but I went to sleep before everyone on a Friday night, mostly because I had a meeting at 11AM on a SATURDAY. In weekday time, I would have gladly taken this 11AM meeting. But on a Saturday? Yes, it was important. But no, my body was not particularly wired to think on a Saturday morning. Getting a manicure/pedicure or an eyebrow wax, yes. Not a meeting where I actually have to feign being at least a little intelligent.

Another little deet I figured out was that said meetings on the weekends can take place wherever you want/you can wear whatever you want. While waking up at 10AM and figuring out what to wear, I noticed the potential bird's nest happening on the back of my head. But then, figuring I needed time to actually prep for the meeting, I just convinced myself that no one was going to be looking at the back of my head except for the person behind me. Perfect, I will just make sure no one walks behind me. I slapped on some jean shorts, a gray shirt and some rainbow sandals. A wise guy once told me that when going to these meetings "we are the talent, it doesn't matter what we wear". True dat. So I got to the meeting, tried to keep my greens open and talked on my merry way. I think it went okay.

...then I came home.

I seemed to remember a stench like that of a skunk this morning, but I was in such a rush that I forgot about it. When I returned home, there was this awful aroma, yet again, and it had now seeped into my room. One thing I asked before I started living with my current roommate before moving in with her over two years ago? Please don't smoke green plant in the house. If you do, go in your room. But she never even does that.

When I arrived home, she was on the couch, nothing had been cleaned up (I guess it is possible to make a mess even after I go to sleep). Of course, I was a little irked. I told her not to do it in the living room. IT IS THE ONE THING I ASKED. ONE THING. It's not like I asked her to get off the couch for an hour a day so that I can catch up on the Tivo I pay for as well (that is another issue entirely), it is simple. DON'T SMOKE POT IN THE HOUSE. Some people thought I was uptight for doing that, but really, I don't give a fuck. The one thing I am uptight about is having a skunk-like stench in my living room and seeping through my clothes. If you don't like it and you want to avoid the wrath of this girl, then don't fucking do it. Argh. Needless to say, the smell cleared out, but mostly because of my Anthropologie candle.

It was also a beautiful day so unlike some other people I decided to go outside and enjoy myself. Laziness is not something I am prone to, especially since the wheels in my head are always turning. I always feel like I have something to do, and even if I don't I do something.

Okay, it is way too early for this cat to be so annoying. She is finding every plastic bag and gnawing on it. Great, the last thing I need is cat puke in my room.

It is another beautiful day today. I will write more later as I have GOT to catch up on Gossip Girl before someone comes home and refuses to believe that the living room is, in fact, not her bedroom but her bedroom is covered in massive heaps of messiness. Maybe she just gets confused?

Always Use the Stairs

2011-02-05T16:27:00.000-08:00

Motto of the day.

If you think about it (and if you haven't caught on YET, I think quite a bit, maybe too much for my own good) the phrase "always use the stairs" leads to positivity in all aspects of life. Yes, you could say "always climb the ladder" or "always use the steps" but number one, I am not a construction worker and number two, I am not an aerobics instructor. Stairs are things normal human beings use everyday and more importantly, they are things I use every day.

Back to the point. Let me clear my throat and wipe the non-waterproof mascara off from under my eyes.

Ahem.

Oh yeah, so stairs. I was thinking about them as I was looking the different ways I could go upstairs where I happen to be working today. The escalator is definitely the best option initially, but the stairs going all the way up in the middle of two escalators looked like more of a challenge. So I took the stairs. Not only was this a good choice because of the challenge, it is way healthier. It works your muscles, it allows you more food. Escalators don't do shit unless they are those walking escalators at the airport. From what I've learned, movement of any sort is definitely healthy. I may just be saying that because I don't like sitting stationary for an extended amount of time, but who really does unless they are doing something cool like playing with their new iPad or playing XBOX.

The other major reasons one should always use the stairs are when making important life decisions or when considering a new career venture or relationship. It is important to not only move forward but to move up toward the goal. Taking appropriate steps in any life decision is imperative.

What really made me think about this is why my mascara is/was running. Recently I have been hit with the sad bug mostly because there is a person almost across the country who just left. Being that I have never really felt this way about someone, like, EVER, it has made me think about taking stairs and doing what I think is right. Seriously not going into detail because this is going to make my mascara SPILL onto my bosses computer. But this is the first time I have ever felt that the person is feeling exactly the same way I am toward me, every moment, every time I see him. The worst part is he just left, me knowing he is not "just some guy" and him knowing I am not "just some girl". I was looking at the stairs today thinking about this. Lame. BUT the important thing to recognize is that the appropriate steps will be taken in this instance because whether or not the outcome is initially good, it will all work itself out. I mean, once we are officially apart again and both realize at the same time we cannot live without each other. And honestly it is hard for anyone to live without me for that long. Winky face. Droopy eyes. Mascara goop.

Soaking Up the Only Time I Get...

2011-02-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

Pandora on. Check.
Coffee. Check.
Water. Check.

Okay.

Last night I came home to my Egyptian Cotton Sheets!!!! 1500 thread count!!! I knew I was excited but did not know how excited I was going to feel once those sage colored sheets were on my most comfortable queen sized bed. Oh. My. God. The sheets are not just sheets.They make a difference. They are so light and fluffy, and thank God for pillowcases, I woke up feeling like I had baby soft skin. My skin is pretty soft, but still. And the best part?

They were $32.95 with free shipping. Chaaaaa-ching. Thanks yet again, eBay.

Another one of my lovers today is Dolce Vita for Target. On my one day vacay to San Diego last weekend, I went shoe shopping. Yes, shoe shopping. I bought these wedge caged brown sandals that are absolutely to die. Their other shoes are amazing too, not only are they comfortable, but they are inexpensive. I actually bought a pair of boots nearly 2 years ago from Target and even after wearing them almost every day, they have outlasted every other pair of shoes I have worn everyday.

The end note to this entry is....that I wrote this last week. I have not had a lick of time to finish it, so I am finishing it now. Starting fresh tomorrow because, guess what? I will have this glorious office all to myself. More pandora-ing. More diet coke-ing. More everything. Working too, but it won't be like a gust of wind is coming over my head at warp speed whenever the door opens. Thank God.

Diary of a Skinny Fat.

2011-01-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

The gym is doing wonders for me. I feel great. When I told friends I got a gym membership they asked "why would you need that?" Well, now I have your answer, shitheads. And you can scoff all you want. Huff and puff for all I care. People that are thin have issues too, ok?

Reason #1: Even though I used to work out by running/walking around my neighborhood or just shopping on Melrose, I was still what you might call a "skinny fat". Like I am skinny, but I have some flub that is just flub. Like leg flub. Arm flub. I still have it, but after a week of going to the gym, it is toned flub. And I have been (more or less) eating (again, more or less) balanced meals. My skinny fatness is turning into skinny toned flubness. Although, I would like to delete the word "flub" from my vocab--is that even a word?--so maybe I can think of something else to call myself.

Reason #2: Promoting a healthy lifestyle for myself. I eat healthier, drink less cocktails (I still enjoy them though, helllllloooooo who do you think is writing this?). Drink more water, have more energy.

Reason #3: I am motivated. As I have stated before, after work used to be a time of sleep and some writing and television. Now, I get to go to the gym and oggle (I have learned to hide that facial expression) at cute boys at the gym, even though most of them are short and have that "little man" complex. You know, they have to work out so that girls just forget about the fact that they are short. But short or not, most of the guys at the gym are pretty cute. I am also motivated to hang out with friends after the gym. It is apparent to me now that doing things allows more energy to do other things.

SIDE NOTE: Whoever the eff said that meeting a guy at a gym was the best place to meet a guy, who the hell are you? You must be one of those girls that doesn't sweat, has perfect hair, perfect skin, doesn't sweat her make-up off--which, hello, why would you apply make-up to go to the gym-- and has really cute work-out clothes. I don't know about you, but I go to the gym in sweats and a t-shirt. And no, not a shirt from the Gap (I saw a tag sticking out of a girl's shirt yesterday. To the gym, girlfriend? Really? Anyway...) I guess if you are the kind of guy who likes me when I am sweaty and gross. Also, there are those romantical people out there who say "if a guy likes you like that, he will likes you for you". Please, I'll believe it when I see it. I know I said I would think more positively, but c'mon, some things are just pure baloney.

There are more reasons, but you get my drift. Some people made me feel terrible about being thin, but I am proud of myself. At least I am not anorexic people! I am thin, and I am going to stay thin the right way. Plus, I now can slide into my size 26 skinny jeans instead of sqeeeeezing my skinny flub into them. I really don't want to go below a size 26, though. For someone my size, anything under that might be considered being on the verge of some other problem.

When the going gets tough...

2011-01-20T15:51:00.000-08:00

STAY PUT.

That is what I learned today. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. It comes, it goes, and when it goes, you learn how to keep pushing it away until nothing is tough anymore. Well there will never be nothing that is not tough, but running from things is never really an appropriate way of dealing. Sure you go outside and take a chill pill, go to the bathroom and wipe the mascara from under your eyes. But completely running? If there is anything I have learned in the past three to four years, whether talking about job or apartment or dating situation, never run. DEAL. Things get tough, but that's just what they are: things.

Can I get an Amen.

The Tweak. The Eek. The Eep.

2011-01-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

(Forward: Already sore from a kickboxing class that didn't end even an hour ago. I don't wanna talk about it, but yes, I will be going back every Tuesday. For not being in a class like that for over 5 years, I think I did pretty damn good, too. But next time I am definitely bringing water and not wearing sweatpants. Oops. Live and learn.)

Everyone has that person that just gets their goat, all the time. Even if this person is one of his or her best friends. And in a little argument, this person always has to have the last word. This is what I call "the tweak". The thing that this person says so she or he has the last word everysingleFUCKINGtime. Exhibit A: (The only exhibit actually) in the car. Turns out someone had an issue with a spray I put in the air. I do this every morning, but this morning was different. This person turned on the fan (which hasn't been turned on it months and probably had heaps and hollers of dust piled on it) at, it turns out, the exact same moment I was spraying my body spray. Nothing I can control right? Right. So I was asked that next time I shut my door. My response was going to be "No, you need to kindly shut your door. It's 8 in the morning." It is not my fault she doesn't shut her door. It's also not my fault that she doesn't clean the gigantic piles of dust out of her room. I said I'm sorry and then made a joke about going into her room and spraying my spray on the fan. I thought I was being funny, but apparently so did she when she said "Well it couldn't be worse than this morning". Which I followed with a "now that wasn't necessary" which this person also thought was hilarious when she laughed. Again, the last word, last condescending sound. Badum-chh.

NOT. And that, my friends, is the tweak. The eep. It feels like a person is just doing that "I'm not touching you" thing while almost touching you or just poking you consistently in the pooch of your stomach. Yes, from this person, it is that annoying.

Gym again tomorrow. This morning, I felt more energized to wake up, could it be making a difference already? Maybe the gym is helping me is more ways than I thought it was. In the long run, it may make me happier than I ever thought it would.

It's All About...

2011-01-17T23:28:00.000-08:00

ME!

Feeling oh so good about this 2011 vibe and remembering that I vowed to myself that I would watch out for the most important person in my life (me, well more people, but I am not signing everyone I care about up for the gym, am I?) I went to sign myself up for a real live gym today. Not the one in my daydreams where I pretend I am dancing around in a hip hop video. NO. A real live, breathing, sweaty, hot gym. I was trying to figure out how long it had been since I stepped foot in a gym. Four effing years! No idea how I stayed the way I am. NO CLUE. Dancing in front of my mirror and taking long walks in Hollywood probably took care of that though. But now, I have the chance to live my dream, circa 2003 (ish). At this gym, I have the abilityto involve myself in hip hop classes and become my own version of Jessica Alba in Honey. I am way whiter and a little (okay, a lot) less Latina than her, but when I watch that movie on TBS or Oxygen on a lazy Sunday, I just want to dance. Same with that ridiculously amazing dance scene at the end of Step Up 2 the Streets when they are all (naturally) dancing around in the rain. Here is that clip for you. O.M.G.:

But in all seriousness, I am going to take full advantage of these classes. Salsa, tango, hip hop, whatever because first of all it beats paying for lessons and second of all, I can dance again. In a class. With other people that are making asses out of themselves just like me.

My next mission is to purchase some of those Reebok Easytones.

Night!

Variety.

2011-01-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

God. People have been sucking my goddamn energy all day. Over and over and over. Constantly. I have a life too you know! I'm all about helping my friends out, but as soon as I feel like you are just asking me things simply because you just want to hear what you want to hear, I'm out. Hint people: if you don't want to hear what I have to say, don't ask! If you ask me if I like your outfit and I don't but you do, fucking wear it. But don't spend all night telling people to tell me how good you look. If you don't think you are doing the right thing about a situation with a guy already, don't continue the pattern. I have just adopted the phrase "go with your gut". It works for everything.

My new "Don't Fuck With My Shit" Marc Jacobs key chain might be the highlight of my week. I am SO GLAD I was on Facebook at the time my friend shared her friends blog post. I guess they were more hard up for them though. There are only 400 or something that were made, and I guess by the end of the day in San Francisco (they have one store, we have FOUR) there were only 17 left, I think LA got the bulk of them. Here is a picture, in case you guys were curious.

I will have 3 tomorrow. One for my mom, one for my cousin and one for myself.

Totally rad.

The other thing that I find totally boss about my life right now: I have every desire to...get ready, this one's a doozy...

...be completely single.

Don't let your jaw drop too fast, but I have adopted this attitude that I don't really give a shit and if it happens it happens. There will be a time when I really want someone, but it certainly isn't now. I am being completely selfish, as I always said I would be, but this time it is actually true. I feel like since now I am getting my life on track, I need to concentrate on myself and what ever makes me happy. I say I am a fucking lucky bitch, not selfish.

With that, I am going to leave you with this new Avril Lavigne song. I don't care wtf anyone says, but I have always lovedlovedloved her. This song has been on repeat for the two days it has been on air. And I realize by saying that I have fallen down to the cool end of the "what should be good to a 25 year old living in Hollywood" thermometer, but once again, I am not normal. Duh.

An end note: As a result of me snacking all day yesterday, I know feel like a whale. Snacking is good, keeps you energized, I know. But not when you are snacking on creme puffs, pizza and cookies. Don't get me wrong, it was totally worth it, but I feel like some took a giant slab of wet concrete and stuffed it in my stomach. Now it is drying, making it an actual slab. Hopefully it won't be permanent. I haven't even gotten my period yet.

I have come to realize, however, if that is all I have to complain about (the first paragraph is also included in that), I am doing okay. Optimism at its best.

F*** OFF of MY IDEA.

2011-01-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days.

I want to present an idea. What if I were to spend one weekend a month in a different city and wrote about it? It would take money, definitely. I would definitely need some motivation to do it, like hopefully writing for something that people actually read. A LOT. I would write about the people I meet and the places I go in a 2-3 day span. I would make a story out of every city.

Thoughts???

Just something I wanted to put out there. I think it has promise. Maybe I could even do a web series along with it.

BTW, I don't mean I want to do this THIS SECOND, it's just an idea. Cool your jets. And stop getting jealous, I actually think it is a pretty rockin' idea.

My eight hours are calling me. So is Chelsea Handler's new book while I watch Seinfeld.
Talk tomorrow.
Period will probably start tomorrow (JOYJOYJOY!). I will also have a lot more time to write. Get ready.

Aye, There's the Rub.

2011-01-11T21:46:00.000-08:00

At an early age (don't know when), I was taught that it was absolutely essential to get 8 hours of sleep. To this day, if I get a smidge less, I do not feel fully rested. From what I hear, though, that is a good thing. Good job, Mom and Dad. It is just something I am set on, you know, because I am getting older and becoming more "set in my ways" as they say. I must go to bed at 11 if I have to wake up at 7. Now, I realize that sometimes this does not happen, and when I settle down and have children it may never happen, so may as well soak it in right now. Glamour and Cosmo always say that 7 hours is enough. I call bullshit.

I just don't want to spend my day tired like some people. Is that so wrong????

Another thing I don't ever do. I never really go out during the week anymore. Only for meetings. You know why? See above. If I go out in the week, it does not really benefit my waistline or under eye area. Or my brain. And believe it or not, sometimes I have to think.

Kind of a blah day in Hell-A. Muggy. Nothing to scream and shout about.

More interesting shiz for you guys later this week. I feel a ramble coming on so I'm gonna just put a stop to this.

That's all.

The Invited.

2011-01-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

It was called to my attention last night by a very close friend that I hang out with a lot of "inviters". A.K.A. people that always invite everyone everywhere, no questions asked. People that are inviting and welcoming immediately. People that will all get together and hang out with certain people until those certain people do something to piss them off. I guess with this group of friends, we are our own America. Innocent until proven guilty, right? You know, there are certain groups of people that are not inviting. This close friend tries to bring me to hang out with certain friends of hers, and when I go, they don't even try. Not like they have to get to know me (even though I am pretty great), just acknowledge my presence. I am used to it now, mostly because over the years I have come to the conclusion that some people aren't as cool as I am. My cool factor is something I have grown into because God knows I didn't have it/know about it until the summer after high school. My days were taken up by singing, cross country and Cold Stone Creamery. I may have been cool, but I didn't know it.

Right.

I just took a spin in my desk chair and the fat cat on my bed looked at me with intrigue. She always does that, it's kind of, well, intriguing. She hasn't written me off completely though. Every morning, she comes into my bathroom and, I kid you not, watches my every move. She watches me plug in the straightener to straighten my bangs. She watches me put my mascara on. She watches as I gingerly pull things out of my cabinet and put them back. You would figure that after 2+ years of living with me, she would have me figured out. I mean, I have her figured out.

She continues to look at me while I clean my closet. OK. But what I'm more horrified about is the fact that I found a BUBBLE SHIRT TANK TOP DRESS THING. Horrified! And then I remembered the last time I wore it and that horrified me even more. Circa 2008. I believe I was dating a club promoter, icky icky icky. I clearly didn't know anything about L.A. I obviously thought I knew fucking everything because I walked around confidently in that bubble thing. Puh.

That said, I have downsized my closet. I am quite happy that now I can see everything I own. Oh, and I can also close my dresser drawers, thank lordy! Although with my dresser, the most difficult drawer was the underwear drawer. I now have 3 piles of underwear categories: bikini (a.k.a "perios panties"), boy cut, and of course, thongs. Or as my dad would say "butt flossers". Funny, but ew.

Here is a picture of the cat, Pebbles, who is clearly disgusted with my clothes hoarding.

That's all.

Meet My Sweetheart.

2011-01-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

I want to take the time to introduce you to my sweethearts. They are there precisely when I need them. They patiently wait for me and they do not over crowd my personal space (as if that could possibly happen).

They are all their own flavor, and I ESPECIALLY love them this time of year. They give me comfort when I am having mid day cravings. They encourage me to eat, which any sweetheart should. They are, like I said, especially at this time of year, my missing puzzle pieces. When I feel alone, I realize that I do have someone. Well, MANY someone's. They also say the sweetest things to me. Sometimes they just smile at me and that is just enough most of the time because even they know that silence is sometimes a virtue. They don't judge me, they don't make me over analyze the shit out of our relationship. Everything with them always goes smoothly.

Here they are.

I like the yellow ones the best, they taste like a banana. When I was a child, I thought the green and white ones tasted like toothpaste, but my taste buds have since changed and now I realize that they were just misunderstood. The orange and pink one are always there to wash out the other flavors, and the purple one is just the one I could do without, although I do appreciate its appearance. Like I have said before, I don't discriminate.

There is a mini story to go with this utterly ridiculous entry I have going on here. It has to do with the fact that I realized that there is only ONE, ONE reason I like this time of the year. My love for these tiny Necco Sweethearts. Granted Necco Wafers are absolutely, positively my favorite candy ever (and possibly the best candy ever invented- my dad always told me that in the 1970's they used to fling them off movie theatre balconies like Frisbees, a trend I may have to bring back).
I strolled into the Ralph's in Culver City after work and there was an aisle of (dare I say it?) Valentine candy. But to my dismay, there were NO hearts! Chocolate hearts, caramel hearts (insert squeaky annoying "making fun of my brother" voice here) toffee hearts, blah, blah, blah. I was disappointed, but I continued on my journey to find an extra soft toothbrush down aisle 16 (or something).

(BTW: I bought a pack of "soft" toothbrushes at Target last weekend. I think someone at their factory must have screwed up because they were definitely NOT soft. I woke up with bruised gums! Not to worry, the bruising is gone, but I am disappointed in Target, I use that "up & up" brand all the effing time and it is just like buying a drug store brand name. Tisk, tisk! And my gums are NOT that sensitive. I bought the Colgate brush and I already used it. Top shelf, grade A. Is there a yelp for oral hygiene items. Well, there should be. Anyway...)

Imagine my surprise at checkout when I saw a 3 for 1 underneath the credit card swipe machine!!!

I was dying of hunger, but I just bought one pack. Less is more. And I savored my sweethearts. S-A-V-O-R-E-D. They made me dance on the way home, in the drivers seat, some people stared. All I need, as I said, this time of year are my Sweethearts.

Remind me this weekend to go to Target and buy like 12 bags of these. I need one per month. No joke people. No boyfriend = more Sweethearts (only in moderation of course, if you know me, you know I will keep to that).

Actually don't remind me, I'm going to put it in my Blackberry calendar. Handy dandy. It will say "date with Necco at Target". Soooo excited.

ShmeeBay.

2011-01-04T21:18:00.000-08:00

This eBay thing has got to stop. Who the hell invented this monster.

I just saved so much effing money. Brand new $30 tinted moisturizer for $15.99 and a set of 7 make-up brushes for $2.05. Seriously. My god I am such a smart shopper.

In my next life, or possibly this one, I may be a personal shopper. It has just always fascinated me, picking out gifts for people, mainly for me. Would I ever hire a personal shopper, though? No fucking way. The only one I would trust to do any of my personal shopping is my mother. NO ONE ELSE. If I ever have an assistant, even then, no bueno.

The fact that "personal shopper" in even an occupation sickens me to no end, but I am living in that world, may as well embrace it. I have also discovered that along with my love for planning events and shopping, I am quite enjoying organizing the life of someone else. No idea where that came from. My favorite things to do are write, plan, make lists...among others, of course. That list alone makes me seem like an OCD freakazoid. Maybe I am sometimes, but that is part of my charm.

My life is more organized than it has been in the past few months, though, that's for sure. Despite my new work posish.

First home cooked dinner date of 2011 with my twins tomorrow. Beef stew, bread and salad. EFF YES.

STAY AWAY FROM EBAY.

Big Differ. Little Deeter.

2011-01-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR, KIDDIES.

My new desk (well not quite new, but my $25 purchase of my desk went to the AIDS Foundation) is amazing. Not only does it make me want to do more, it makes my room feel more like my room. Truthfully, I never thought after college a desk would make such a gargantuan difference in my life. But it has.
Resolutions this year have been thrown out the window. This resolution thing really ties me up, but this year I have resolved to make zero resolutions. I think that there are just things that I will do this year as a whole that I don't need to do based on any sort of resolution.

For example, I bought this desk and put together my desk chair. I am getting my life somewhat in order. As little of a deal as this desk is, it will help me do certain things. This year. Next year. I will probably get more use out of this desk than the previous owner did.

This desk is sort of a jump start. I hate referring to things as "symbols" because it sounds so incredibly cheesy, but this desk is a symbol of my life growth and it is such a tiny detail that will and is already making a huge difference to me. The way I see it is this: I have the desk. I needed this desk. I also need things to put on the desk. And the desk is pretty big, so there is room. Room for a lot of effing growth.

I am most happy to have my books off of the floor and on a shelf where they belong. Seeing those books on the floor made me feel like I hadn't fully moved into this apartment yet and I've been here for 9 months! My room is also rather clean all the time. There is just something unsettling about having crap everywhere and it makes me feel like my life is a mess. And even if sometimes I feel like my life is a mess, my room won't show it.

The other great thing about this desk? The chair/desk combo forces good posture. Sitting on my bed "working" always made me feel like eventually I would look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I know that would never happen from just "working" on my bed, and I have always had good posture due to my years of ballet, but I was tired of hoisting myself onto my bed, grabbing my computer from my night stand, watching the magnetic plug come off and falling onto the floor to pick it up, only to figure out that after all of that, I had to use the bathroom or I had cookies in the oven. I clearly needed this desk and chair. Now I can swivel to the oven.

Alright, time to go get some popcorn and maybe bake some cookies :).
Hope you all had a sparkly New Year.

Totally What I Wanted to Hear!!

2010-12-29T12:45:00.000-08:00

When the first words out of a client's mouth are "I don't mean to be a tight wad, but..." it is safe to say you are in trouble.

With my first event, I have learned two things, which I should have known. I will swiftly kick myself in the ass later.

1. Trust no one. Anyone will do or say anything to get what they want. NOT just men that want to get in your pants, I guess.

2. Never, under any circumstances, EVER, do ANY favors. Even if the person is good friends with your uncle. It doesn't matter.

So, when my client (who I didn't trust from the get go) wanted to wait on paying me for everything, I said fine. After all, he is a friend of a friend. Now, I don't care who the hell you are. Favors, in every aspect of my life, are reserved for family and BFF's, and a boyfriend or two.

This "client" is not only shorting me on the HOURS of work I did for him, he is taking the most expensive things and giving me 5% instead of 10%. I drew up a contract in the beginning of this, why did I not give him one? I have no fucking clue. Just wanted to learn, I guess. And I did, believe me, I DID. The fact is, for all of the consulting with different companies and the birthday boy himself that I did for my $25 per hour consulting fee, I would already have over $500. But nope, I was a good friend to my friend of a friend and didn't charge him for that. Out the fuckin' window that went.

I am going to give everyone I meet a contract from now on. People on the street, people at work. Just so they know, you know. I am being a tad dramatic but this "client" makes me want to give a contract to the cat that is licking herself on my comforter.

I am still getting paid. After trying to inform this client of my around the clock work ethic and all of those hours I spent working on HIS party, and not being one to burn bridges, I finally said "just do what you think is right". There was nothing legally binding him to paying me. What could I do? Go to the police or the better business bureau? Nah. I just made the conscious decision to bite the bullet and let this die. Not worth it for me.

But believe me, everyone and their mother will be getting a contract from me next time. And every fucking time after that.

BTDubs, I brought the rain back to Hell-A with me. Sorry. But even so, today is not going to be a total bust of a day. I swept my hardwood floors, unpacked, wrote a little, and now I am going to take a cat nap, just like the little cat on my belly.

All I Wanted for Christmas.

2010-12-28T15:21:00.000-08:00

I got everything!

Family, a purse, friends, a cute fur coat on discount at Kohl's (That Lauren Conrad makes cute stuff, I don't understand why there was a lot left for discount. I guess it is more of an LA style? Who knows.) and a JOB JOB JOB!

Phew. I thought I was going to have to survive on $100 a week. Being that I can't support my left baby fingernail on that amount of money, I am soooo thankful that I have job. 1, 2, 3...breathe. Now, for sure, I will not have to go back to that restaurant again.

2011 is shaping up to be one of those years for the top shelf. 2010 was OK, but I have a (well paying) job, great friends and a much happier disposition this time around. Now maybe I can find myself a suitor so that I won't be the only one at my ten year high school reunion with no boyfriend, no husband and no child. Maybe I could just bring a kid with me if that happens. And then I could use him/her for special events. Especially events I didn't want to go to so I could always use the excuse, "Oh, little Johnny doesn't feel well" or whatever. Anyways, I digress.

The point is, this year will be better than last and maybe, just maybe, since I am
(as much as I can be) settled enough now in my independence, I can find someone to scoot over on the couch for and maybe share my ice cream with. MAYBE.

ShutUpShutUpShutUp!

2010-12-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

For some ungodly reason, I feel old.

These kids who were, last time I checked, 8 year olds when I left town are now drinking booze. And they look like 30 year olds now. I don't know how I recognized any of them. I even ran into people from high school (something I actually love to do whenever I come home), but we all look the same as we did when we were 18 (I was 17, whatever). What the hell is wrong with my hometown? If only my thoughts were real. Like, maybe I could just stay the same and watch everyone else grow up. Grand.

Also, being home, it has occured to me how utterly small this place is. I love it, don't get me wrong. If I could bring a chocolate cow and chicken home to everyone in LA to show my effing Petaluma pride, I would. But this place is small. A "freeway" here is what we would call a busy street in LA. Everyone here knows everyone here (actually that doesn't differ from LA, really), and everyone you see you have probably gone to school with or seen at some lame high school party.

I have been educating myself for the past few days on Chelsea Handler. Educating may not be the right word, but I have been reading her books. I am almost done with My Horizontal Life. Being that I have no horizontal life to speak of, I quite enjoy reading about hers. And being an avid watcher of her show, she writes a lot like I do. I pretty much write how I speak. I actually don't have much else to say right now, except I really hope this pounding head ache goes away. This is how my "walking pneumonia" (so some people say, I just choose not to believe them) started a couple of weeks ago. I lost a bunch of weight, but have since gained most of it back due to my egg nog and alcohol addiction over this fine holiday season.

More tomorrow. Home Wednesday.

Obviously Not

2010-12-13T15:18:00.000-08:00

...working.

It's totally fine though. I have a TON of work to do on this party. A down payment would have been nice for my services, but oh well. I will get it in about a month.

Supposedly, I am starting work in January, but who knows? Being dicked around is nothing new for me. I really really really hope it won't come down to that, though. Being that my unemployment only looks at my restaurant earnings at this time, I am only guaranteed $212 per TWO weeks. At least it's something right? And at least I have some moola saved up.

This week is going to be great though, really. I will work on my writing, work on the party, watch movies. Anything that doesn't involve spending massive amounts of money.

Also, I am practicing the art of positive thinking more and more.

This MASSIVE headache I have had swimming through my body all day and as we speak has not slowed me down...yet.

Hey, I said I was practicing.

<3

Full Time, Bitch!

2010-12-08T18:42:00.000-08:00

Cheers to meeeee!

No more restaurant!

Permanent job in the entertainment industry, yay!

I will be starting on Monday as an Executive Assistant to a talent manager and casting director. Gone are my days of answering "I'm a hostess, but a writer" when asked that ever so present Hollywood question of "what do you do?". NOW, I will say, with pride, "I work in talent management" or "I am an executive assistant to a talent manager". Oh, it feels good, it feels reeeeaaaaallll good. Now, I feel like my life can start. AND I DID IT ALL ON MY OWN.

My hairdresser told me today that I must have been pretty "ballsy" to move to Southern California at 18 and never look back. I have thought many things of myself, but "ballsy" was never one of them. Time to think otherwise, I guess! I just always thought the move was so easy, not a big deal, but looking back, I see it as a fearless adventure. And now, I will say it was a "ballsy, fearless adventure". Truth is, I don't remember being scared. Maybe that is because I wasn't.

<3

<3

Get Ready, Here I Come!

2010-12-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

The past five weeks have been quite the whirlwind. BUT, I'm baaaack!

I proudly went back to casting on October 25th, and I must say, I don't remember why I didn't like it so much. It was a fun, pleasant, stressful at times (but what job isn't) and very gratifying. Yes, this is me being positive about something, and no, I am not giving casting up again. The money is good and I feel like now, as opposed to waiting for someone to buy one of my screenplays or waiting to have some man sweep me off of my feet, having a job in the entertainment industry is utterly satisfying. I went to school to be in it, might as well, right?

And this is not to say that my 2 years at the restaurant were a waste. I learned a lot. I became more comfortable in my own skin, more confident. The people I met there pretty much changed my life, and without them I wouldn't feel as confident as I do now.

Even though my casting job has come to an end, (I am getting another one, don't worry, freelance is sometimes the shit, but not if you can't find anything. I always managed to find something rather quickly, though) I am hard at work planning a 30th birthday bash. We are going to the Vanilla Bake Shop today for a consultation. Hopefully when they let us taste the cake, they give us small bites. This holiday season is not being fair to my waistline (or maybe I am not being fair to my waistline by overstocking it with CRAP). I may still look the same to everyone, but as soon as there is a little pooch in my belly (I'm not used to it, okay?) it feels as if I have gained 10 pounds.

You guys would love to tell me to "shut the fuck up", huh? Well, you know what I say? I can't hear you, so by all means, go right ahead.

Time to revise the budget plan for the partay. I honestly can't believe I am up at 9:45 on a Sunday.

THE BEST....

2010-10-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

...DECISION. EVER.

I made the decision that I was going back to casting today. I made it happen, was offered a job, and I am starting on Monday.

Upon accepting the job, the only things going through my head were that 1. I can now afford a new (good) haircut and 2. I will be buying new jeans.

And maybe some shoes.

I knew it was time I became an adult and led a life of semi normalcy again. And I decided this all on my own. Yes, I have my business, but this is how I will make money and lots of it.

The restaurant was fun, and I had a ton of it, but it is time to mosey on. I couldn't be more thrilled.

More later!

All Good Things.

2010-10-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

So. I sit here not talking. This, for me right now, is a VERY good thing. I would scream, but I choose to relax. R-E-L-A-X-A-T-I-O-N.

I at least need this numbing to go away before I go watch South Park with my neighbors. I think it will be gone. I mean that's like 2 hours and 48 minutes away, probably more like 2 in case we go over there early. And we will.

My new Russian dentist is absolutely hilarious. Not only did she call me beautiful and said that I was "very lucky" to be the way I am, she gave me a double shot for numbing and double the amount of topical because I "seemed scared" and then we both let out a chuckle. After the procedure, I wanted to chuckle again, but couldn't, which made me want to chuckle more, so a big sound just came out of the left side of my mouth, followed by me going to the sink and spitting. We all started laughing. I think they were probably making fun of me, but I just went along with it.

When I came back, my neighbor invited me to come watch South Park with him and his other two roommates and I tried to stop talking to him but he kept talking and asking me questions. Hello! I probably have drool coming out of my mouth (I didn't, but what if it happened) so can you just kindly let me go back to my apartment and spare me the embarrassment of talking with half of my mouth and drooling (possibly) in front of another person? It was kind of sweet how much he cared though. That's what friends are for, I guess. Puhh. It is pretty damn convenient that I can walk to the dentist though. Damn skippy.

Two casting opps came about today, and I would be stupid not to take them. I will hear about one by Friday, the other one who knows. The important thing is that I have two stews brewing. More, please!

Night!

Through One Eye.

2010-10-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

When I arrived home from work, I decided to take a long walk. It was about 6pm, but there was an event property on Sweetzer and Beverly that I wanted to check out. For those of you who aren't familiar with L.A. or where I live in L.A., that is about a mile each way. By the time I was on my way back, it was 7pm and dark. I do admit that it was not the best move on my part and my iPod did run out of power (I left my headphones in), but it gave me a lot of time to think. And at that moment, this thought was a pretty good thing, believe it or not.

I thought about how this morning when I woke up and had an insane toothache, I called the dentist and made an appointment. I thought about how my life is seemingly drama free at the moment if a toothache is my only real problem. My other problem was that as I was walking and looking behind as I passed a giant exotic birdcage outside of an enormous house and my contact fell out, forcing me to make the rest of my trek only being able to see out of one eye. Also, when my iPod ran out, I expected some noise on the streets of L.A., but to my surprise, the noise was really no where to be found. Imagine that!?

I quite like it that way. I like being drama free. Of course, I looove excitement, but excitement does not have to = drama. And I feel like a total wench, but on my walk I was thinking about how much I don't care about other people's annoying drama. I guess I'm not a wench, but some people, it amazes me, cannot go ONE day without causing a bit of drama and letting everyone know about it.

I like the simplicity of my life right now.

I also read this article in Glamour (which for some reason, I believed) that said "those who placed the highest expectations on themselves have a 51 percent increased risk of premature death compared with their more chill peers." THAT made me anxious and then, just like I have been realizing more and more lately, that is me. I place the highest expectations on not only other people, but myself and when I disappoint myself is when I am more depressed than ever. I am not saying I will not hold high expectations of people, but like I said yesterday, no one is perfect.

Drama free is the way to be.
Bada boom bada bing.
I feel like I just went to therapy.

Expectations.

2010-10-18T21:53:00.000-07:00

Damn 3-for-$1 CVS razors. I thought I stopped getting cuts from shower shaving in high school. And speaking of cutting, I need a haircut. ALTHOUGH I did buy the new Glamour that promises "25 Cute Hair Ideas", so I am hoping that since my hair is easier to style when it is long, there will be some "cute" ideas for me. I have yet to read it, obviously, so we shall see!

Before my launch party on Thursday, my friend Diego told me that I expect too much from people. That is, I expect the best and when anyone disappoints me, I act as if someone has dug me an early grave. And I lie there, in the grave, until something brings me out.

I have thought about it quite a bit. It is spot on. Take the men I have had the (dis)pleasure of dating. I expect that they are men, but when they turn out to be little boys who can't deal, I am devastated. And when friends disappoint me, I always expect that they never will again. But no one is perfect. Just because I am loyal, caring and considerate doesn't mean everyone else is. Is it bad of me to expect everyone to be as perfect as I am? I am only perfect about 60% of the time anyway. Heh. Totally kidding.

I think from now on, when life gives me shit and I step in it, I will just wash it off and move on (As a matter of fact, while walking to the thrift store in my gray cable knit Uggs yesterday, I did, in fact, step in shit. I got pissed, naturally, for a minute and then laughed. Now that is what should happen with all of life's little disappointments).

I want a sweet and simple life, not a complicated and drama-filled one, because at the end of it all, you know what? I DON'T HAVE TIME.

Oh, my launch party was amazing. Perfect amount of everything, happiness and smiles included :-).

End Note.

2010-10-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

Okay. So I was also thinking today what my problem is in relationships.

I didn't get much attention from boys when I was younger, so now, when I do, I am amazed and I don't trust them. It is my own fault that I don't think I am worthy of that kind of attention.

Another thing I was thinking about is the fact that very few people ever get into contact with me or care what I'm doing. It is most often me that does the reaching out. Well, that is out the window. From now on I am just going to hang out with the people that want to hang out with me (minus the few who actually care). I am tired of having friends that feel they should just be my friends out of necessity.

Alright. Enough.

PS: May I add that I was just embarrassed in front of my very attractive and sweet neighbor when someone made a comment about someone else she knew being "moody" and then looked at me and said "moody people suck. No offense." I followed with a laugh. I am not going to say anything in front of my neighbor that you want to look good in front of by putting me down. Oi vey. I. Don't. Even. Have. The. Energy. To. Fight. It. Therefore, anytime this ever happens and certain people don't think before they talk, I have adopted the phrase "laugh it off" and repeat it inside my head.

Yeah, no fucking offense there. Rrrright. I hate when people unnecessarily make things awkward without even trying. Puhhhh.

2010-10-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do with all of this anxiety and excitement. I don't. Fuck.

I know I can do this and I know I will be successful and I know for a fact that important peeps will be at the party. I think my anxiety stems from the fact that this thing is a whole new thing for me. And since I didn't really have anything that made me want to wake up in the morning, I am counting on this opportunity. I am counting on the fact that this is what will make me want to wake up for years to come. Shit. That is a lot to put on my plate. I guess I can't really complain though because I am the one who put it there.

Before I made this happen, I was pretty lost. I knew I didn't want to be a sushi hostess forever. I knew I wanted to write and inspire people, but I knew that wouldn't make me money anytime soon. This is just so scary because it is a big fat question mark. I know I want to do it, but will it actually happen?

This is what I have decided, though. I am not going to settle for anything less than success!

That was pretty cheesy. Ah, well fuck it.

That stuff aside, I have been keeping myself pretty goddamn busy. Prep, prep, more prep. Not even thinking about whatshisface. But today, I kinda was. I thought about how he was probably sitting at home still playing turtle fantasy video games (or whatever the hell it was he wanted me to learn how to play). What a grand existence that must be. No dreams, no aspirations. Almost 30 and nothing going on. It seems as though a lot of people in this town fall into that category. Grown up kids. I mean hey, I have no problem acting like a kid, but I have my shit going on, you know? And more importantly, I am doing something with it, which is more than I can say for whatshisface.

Time to finish up my party favors, but I will leave you with another rule I came up with. For myself. I intend to be busy enough for a while so if a man ever has the audacity to ask me out, I will have to make time for him and make him wait.

So;

Rule 4: Unless in a committed relationship (you have "the talk") NEVER answer the phone when he calls. You are too busy.

Night loversrrrrrrs <3

2010-10-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

I have decided I am going to delete all Bruno Mars songs from my iPod/iTunes. Why?

Well, they remind of that messed up torn up puzzle piece. He played this one song for me the FIRST time he met me. So. I have decided that not only is Bruno Mars the most annoying singer EVER, but he is also a convict, and he is younger than me so therefore, I am boycotting him. Every time he comes on it makes me think of the good things about that PERSON and while I don't wish the worst for him, I don't want to be reminded of his sorry ass everyday. It was this day last week that asshole decided he wouldn't call me anymore.

(And "guy", if you are reading this, YOU SUCK. It took my all of two days to get over you, yes, but I am still one angry bitch.)

Totally justified.

Totally....

Bruno Mars, I'm sorry. You were truly a gift when I wanted you. And your voice isn't bad, I just have to make myself think it is.

Back to...

2010-10-07T22:55:00.001-07:00

Shit. I have to stop thinking I did something wrong.

Yes, I am being hard on myself.

And I am over analyzing everything.

I need to just STOP and go read the blog post before this one.

I am wayyyyy BETTER than this/him.

Don't get fancy, Just Get Dancey.

2010-10-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

Enjoying my day became a lot easier today.

Yesterday, upon arriving home, I put on my cutest fall "at home" outfit (gray knit uggs, pink knit floppy hat, and a long cable knit sweater). I followed by putting my longer than I feel its ever been hair in pigtails. THAT made me extremely happy.

Back to today...

I have been dancing all day!
Seriously I haven't stopped. I think the fact that I am making more of an effort to do more enjoyable things for myself in my day to day life plays a part. Definitely. I work hard (I may not get enough $$ for it) and if anything, I deserve to enjoy my life.
That fact has taken me a looooong time to figure out. I never thought I was worthy of actually enjoying my life because I never thought I was doing anything that would make anyone proud. But you know what I realized? The fact that I feel this way means the most. And also, I am looking more at what I HAVE done, AM doing, and WILL be doing. And that makes me happy and proud. I came here not knowing a SOUL, graduated from a University, moved to LA, and now, after working hard, I have my own business, which is just a new adventure to add to my book. Writing will always be my passion, and I will keep doing it, but I am no longer going to let that stop me from pursuing other things.

Something I've always struggled with growing up and going to school was the fact that everyone always told me "Elaine you are too hard on yourself". Welp that's about to end :) even though sometimes I might slip up.

Okay enough funny business. These are three things regarding dating I thought about on my lunch break.

Rule 1; never even invite him out with your friends unless he has either suggested it or allowed the same courtesy to you.

Rule 2; if he is going to clubs every weekend and doesn't invite you, you are wasting time, RUN!

Rule 3; date many, keep busy. If he doesn't seem that into it, dump his ass before he gets any from you.

I know I did a much longer list last year around the same time, but since I want to date GROWN UP MEN from now on, the douche bag rules need not apply.

Question....

2010-10-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

How do I find a man who thinks the sun shines out of my fucking ass???? That is my question. ~~And yes, I am pathetic (again) because I am, in fact, Googling it.~~

~~Here are the links Google came up with:~~

I didn't do it. I thought about it, obviously, but I didn't do it. I am me, and if people don't accept or respect me it is their fucking loss. Even though I may think I am pathetic I have not lost hope. I know someone is out there for me, but that someone won't come without some bumps and bruises along the way.

Now that is an end scene.

morning.

2010-10-05T11:23:00.001-07:00

So,

I have been played. (Come on, he made me believe that he cared and wanted me for MONTHS and then disappeared).
I got hurt.
I realized he never cared about me.
I mean, let's face it, I'm probably one of the many but one of the few who actually had the guts to stand up for myself.
I also realized this was YET AGAIN a case of "I'm not ready for a girl like you yet" syndrome.
Now, let's move on.
I am much better than this/him.
End scene. Red curtains, please!

Now, I Feel...

2010-10-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

...pathetic.

Don't kill me for doing this. I can't even believe I am sharing this, but it helps me.

I sat down on the couch for literally an hour tonight, analyzing every little thing that happened in the relationship. I kept turning my phone from "normal" to "silent" every 5 minutes, hoping (foolishly) that he might actually be the man I thought he was and tell me why he is making me feel this way. I kept playing out how the conversation might go. It mostly consisted of me forcing him to tell me what the heck is wrong with me when really, I know there is nothing wrong with me.

I feel sick to my stomach even knowing that I think he might have just lost his phone and lost my number.

There is nothing I regret. I don't even regret telling him I was frustrated with him last week because if the conflict scared him away, so be it. I keep reminding myself that HE was the one who pursued me. HE was the one who apologized and got scared off when I said what was actually on my mind. Sorry for being frustrated. Douche.

All I ate today was 3 thirds of 3 different cupcakes (I guess that makes 1 whole cupcake) which my friend very kindly bought for me at Magnolia bakery, a small cup of coffee, three shrimp, a couple small pieces of chicken and a piece of Brie cheese.

Now, in an attempt to laugh and forget about things, I am going to watch Don't Mess with the Zohan (or whatever it's called). Here goes...

Whaaaa?

2010-10-04T12:21:00.001-07:00

Sad. Solo. Single. STUPID. Embarrassed. Disappointed.UGLY. Disgusted. Disrespected. Unimportant.

This is what someone has made me feel. I feel like trash, and for once I actually thought something would work.
I always ask myself the same question. "Who could be better than me (with you)?"
The truth is I think very highly of myself and when someone treats me so poorly I want to know WHY, esp. when there was no catastrophic occurence that went down to make him treat me like such a piece of SHIT.

And I hate even giving him the ability to make me feel this way.

But he has made me feel this way. The fact that this came out of NowhereLand. I didn't do anythin wrong.

What gives? Because you know what? I fucking surrender.

Peacock.

2010-10-01T12:38:00.000-07:00

For the next 7 days, as a workout, I will be devoting an hour of my day to learning most of this dance.

Absolutely.

This...

2010-10-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

...can't be my life. (That is what I said to a friend as Wendy Williams came on this morning. She is, quite possibly, the best walking definition of a funny annoying person. I can't hate her because she is quirky, but I don't like her because she is so goddamn annoying. I was saying this because I couldn't believe I was in my bed, in my side boob tank top, when this came on. That made me want to puke.)

I will take you through the ups and downs of yesterday.

*Work until 5.
   * Crying started at approx. 12pm, where I contemplated just giving up and moving back home. What is really keeping me here?
   * At 1pm, as my boss was trying to cheer me up, I started crying again, going into the bathroom, looking at my teary face and throwing up in the toilet.
   * Since I wasn't talking all day, ar around 2:30pm I started talking to my co-worker who is much younger than me and thinks she knows everything about life. I should have just kept my mouth shut, because she definitely made me feel like I am all alone and will be all alone for a long time. No one was in the restaurant, so I cried, AGAIN. And no, for those of you wondering, I am NOT about to start my period.
    * This was followed by me finally realizing in my head that I am tired of being alone. I am actually quite afraid of it. It is something I was and am always deathly afraid to admit to myself.
    * I came home, crying in the car, took a shower, and took a nap. That nap turned into me waking up at 8pm, then sleeping until 9am this morning.

So TODAY:
   *Upon waking up, I opened the blinds, and turned on the news. I remembered the one inspiring quote my boss said yesterday: "Why are you going to let anyone ruin your beautiful day?"
And that is what I am doing from here on OUT.

PS: Don't try to call or e-mail. My phone is o-f-f. OFF.

Make Them Go Away!

2010-09-28T16:22:00.001-07:00

At times like these I wish I liked iced coffee. And I could peel off layers of my own skin without taking off my clothes.
Random. And gross. I love my thoughts somtimes, but mostly they get me in the worst trouble.

I am still thinking I am crazy for thinking things like this.

Do I want to keep wondering?
I mean, there will come a point where I won't wonder anymore, right?
It is so scary, being in something with no committment, no promise. I wish it could all just happen at the snap of a finger. Life is short, but this feels like it is taking forever.

I guess the heart wants what it wants, and that is why I'm not pushing it. That is why I want to see it go somewhere.
I hate thinking. I wish my brain only thought about two things. Work and sleep. None of this love and relationship baloney. It is wrecking everything! The bad stuff, anyway. My thoughts. Arrrrghhh.

If He's Not Getting it With Me...

2010-09-28T14:45:00.001-07:00

He must be getting it with someone else. Right? I gotta stop thinking. Eff me. The guy just had surgery.

In other news, it seems as though people think it is okay to go bra-less in the heat. Why? No fucking clue, but come on people! Maybe I am just jealous that I can't expose some side boob on days like this.In public.
Actually, no. That's pretty tacky. Only in the privacy of my own home, thanks.

I guess I am not born and bred in Hell-A so I will never fully understand the art of the sweaty side boob. Grossss.

More later, maybe soon. I have seen many a circus act walk by my little stand today.

In fact, a rapper just came in wearing a real diamond leprechaun bling necklace. Now that was AWESOME. ;)

H-O-T

2010-09-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

Let me just say that this summer was no comparison to the weather we are getting in L.A. right this minute. When I arrived at my car after work, I could barely open the door it was so hot. I could also barely use the steering wheel!

Now I sit at home showing off some side boob in a gray racerback tank top and short shorts, trying to get something, well really ANYTHING done.

I love hot weather but I totally understand people that love cold weather. You can't walk down the street naked in 106 degree weather but you can sure as hell pile on the thermals when it is below zero. Imagine if people just got so hot, they just started ti walk around naked. Haha.

They Say...

2010-09-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

I am fully aware that I have said this many times before, but who the hell is "they"? And more importantly, why don't I ever fucking listen? I'll tell you why. "They" represents something that we are supposed to/not supposed to do. "They" say not to take risks. Even if "they" are telling me not to go grocery shopping when I am hungry, I always do it, and you know why? I am a god damn risk taker. Dammit. "They" can go to hell most of the time, you know that?

Hmmm. There are those times, though, when I wished I had listened. But if I had listened, some important (bigger than the grocery store incident) things in my life never would have happened. So you know what I say? Eff "they".

Speaking of the grocery store, while I was rockin' my very chic low side ponytail, I meandered on down to Trader Joe's, sans make-up. (The make-up part is completely unrelated to what I am going to say, but I wanted to emphasize it just because my hair looked so cute it balanced me out. Plus, I didn't feel the need to wear make-up that would just sweat off my face in this non summer 102 degree weather) While at Trader Joe's I discovered two of my new favorite things in the world (this week, anyway): Pomegranate Green Tea and crunchy seaweed snacks. I never, oh wait;

10. I never buy juice or tea in bulk. EVER. But there was something absolutely refreshing sounding about this Pom Tea that I just needed. I yearned and seethed for it at that moment. It is not only healthy, but when I got home and opened it up, I was instantly refreshed and gasped in pure delight. It was the most amazing green tea experience I have EVER had.

I have tried the seaweed snacks before, but from Whole Foods. At TJ's, they are 99 cents for a whole pack, which is 60 calories. The only drawback is that they get stuck in your teeth and make your mouth smell like ASS. But ah, that's why I always carry gum.

This morning I woke up in Manhattan Beach and my friend's condo. I want to live by the beach. I think that is my goal after the biz takes off. rent or buy by the beach. I'm 25, might as well start thinking about it now because who knows? It could happen next year. And it was sooo nice outside. I was just so happy I could be out there during the day, on a weekend, when normal people were out.

By the way, this whole "weekend off" thing is totally throwing me off. I am so used to being busy or going to the store when other people aren't and vice versa. This week, my life actually felt normal. I'm not complaining, not at all.

Here's to another week of normalcy...

(Oh, but don't worry, I think something interesting will throw me off and make me regret saying things like that. It always does....)

Am I...

2010-09-24T00:06:00.000-07:00

...crazy?

The puzzle piece redeemed himself last night. And today.

He made me feel just amazing about our relationship. It felt just right.

So:

9. Never thought any relationship would feel "just right". Sometimes I hate the way things like this make me feel, because I have trained myself to think that it will just never work out for me. But right now I don't hate it. I don't think I am "just one of those stupid girls that gets her heart broken". It doesn't make you stupid to get your heart broken, but I always felt stupid when I did, just because I feel like I should have known better, should have just paid attention to the red flags (blahblahblah), you know?

But right now, there is not a pessimistic bone in my body.

XOXO

Certain People...

2010-09-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

8. I am picking my battles, for reals. If I ever want any relationship to work, I just have to. Certain people have been telling me that what happened on Friday was really not a big deal. It is to me, but maybe not to other people just because I am the way I am. I am not saying, BY ANY MEANS, that I have the wrong feelings or that he did the right thing, but I AM saying that this is, in the grand shit of things, no big fucking deal. It could have been a lot worse. In passing, I may mention that I am just a loyal person (which he knows) AGAIN and blah blah blah, but I have finally come to terms with the fact that I can't control everyone and how I think everyone should feel about doing something. I like to control every situation and I know I can't if I want anything in my life to work out. I can control certain things, but sometimes I just have to go with the flow and see where it takes me, you know? The things that I shouldn't control but try to control are always the things I wish would work out but never do. So here we go.

I am pretty pleased with this revelation. I just hope it can stay this way.

You know that thing...

2010-09-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

You know, that thing I said I would regret saying? Well, surprise! I don't regret it, but I now think men are COMPLETE and UTTER idiots. Seriously. Actually I thought that before, but now, in this moment, on my second glass of wine, I am complately surprised at my puzzle piece. He went to a good school, he had a good life. WHY CAN HE BE SUCH AN IDIOT???

This is why he is an idiot:

Made plans with me.
Said he wasn't "sure" if he was going anymore.
Said plans were at the same place I met him and went home with HIM.

WHAT AN IDIOT.

Guys, next time you aren't "sure" if you are going to go in on YOUR PLANS, think about it. REALLY THINK. It can't be that hard.

Assholes.

2010-09-16T16:44:00.001-07:00

Did I forget to mention that I have a growing purple WELT on my forearm? Oops.

By tomorrow, it will be purple and yellow, which will be the perfect compliment to my strapless blue floral short dress. But I guess I was going to wear a leather over it anyway.

E

P.S.: despite this little fall, I have been one happy girl (consistently, I mean) for the past 7 days.

The Fall and the Piece.

2010-09-16T16:39:00.001-07:00

Taking a break from the numbers to let you all know about my quite embarrassing moment last night with the puzzle piece. All I have to say is "oi vey". Puhhhh.

Yes, I thought I was being slick and classy, but I didn't know that after this, I would just have to settle for one or the other.

Wearing heels, I went out to greet him and I was fine. When we left down the stairs, however, (he asked me how it happened and honestly I have no fucking clue!) And I slipped on my stone tile stairs. My leg was twisted gracefully back and my arm was slemmed against the step when he turned around. THANK GOD. I was still embarrassed, wouldn't you be? He didn't see me fall, but he saw the look of shock and distress in my eyes after the great fall. He didn't make me feel embarrassed. Plus, after that we went to el Compadre where I got the Elaine Special: 2 chicken taco combo with a strawberry-banana margarita on the rocks. I waS feeling really good after that, besides the fact that my flow was bugging the shit out of me/making me paranoid.

We had a great time. He loved the restaurant. This may sound weird, but I am very proud of myself everytime I bring someone somewhere I think they will like, and they end up LOVING it. I guess that is part of the reason I am going to become a KICK ASS event planner ;).

"It'll Save You Money..."

2010-09-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

"...in the long run."

Well, what if I didn't buy your product to begin with?

I was in Benefit for my free brow wax today. Awesome.

BUT THEN I was lured into this evil spell.

"Today only. Buy two products and get a free full size product with it!"

Fuck.

$60 later, I was a happy gal. I guess the tinted moisturizer and eye cream will last me for six months, so maybe it will save me money in the long run. And MAYBE in six months I will be able to afford to buy the product again, but if I can't, I will shun Benefit for life. Seriously. Well, not really, I am throwing my launch party there and all.

Late din with the puzzle piece tomorrow night. Excited, as always :-).

Aiding Myself

2010-09-14T15:14:00.001-07:00

6. Wow. I never thought I could stuff this many, ahem, "feminine aids" in my purse. I am bleeding like I am being drained by a fucking vampire. I am so glad I have it, but once I get my monthly visitor, I am positively ANNOYED at the fact that it sometimes takes me away from everyday things that I should be able to enjoy. But the bad, heavy part only last for a couple days so I guess it isn't sooo bad. Tomorrow I have a date, so even though I will still have flow, I will be comfortable, Thank GOD.
It is day 2, which is the worst so of course I moved my date on purpose. Blood stains and and over stuffed purses are not vey attractive.

7. I created the perfect 7-11 coffee concoction. 1/3 french vanilla brew, 1/3 cinnamon brew, 1/3 vanilla nut brew, 2 french vanilla creamer minis, 2 regular half and halfs and 2 packets of Splenda. I'm not gonna lie, most of you will probably think that sounds absolutely horrific, don't knock it til' you try it!

It's only 3PM and I am in fear of outward flow. I guess I should have mentioned that I packed 3 of one kind and 7 of the other for my 6 and a half hour shift.

I am female, hear me roar, right?

Psh. At least I'm not pregnant. Oh wait, I take that back. I wouldn't be able to get pregnant ;)

<3<3<3

Numbers

2010-09-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

It took me a while to continue on with my list, I know, but here are some more to add:

3. I yelled at someone in public. Did not know I was capable of such a thing. It was kind of embarrassing though and it was over $$$ that I gave to the gas station. I know it is no excuse, but I had a HORRIBLE day. But I keep telling myself that it is a good thing that I feel bad about yelling, because most people just don't give a damn.

4. This weekend, I actually made my own agenda. Imagine that! I spend so much time caring what other people want to do and how they will react when I tell them (nicely, of course) that I don't want to do what they are doing. I did my own thang and I felt good about doin' it, dammit! I was so happy I spent my time with my family the way I did. MUCH NEEDED!

5. Never thought I would be happy with someone. Yes, it is a new thing. I may regret saying this (but in the spirit of this list, I ma saying it anyway) BUT I feel like maybe I have found my one missing puzzle piece. It is so scary, but I gotta take that leap, and so far, I am sublimely happy with fall we are taking :).

Hot damn. I have presents to wrap, scripts to read, and parties to plan. Oi vey!

Gotta jam. More tomorrow.

When Event Planners Blog...

2010-09-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

My list of "things I never thought I would/could do, but I'm doing" officially began this morning.

1. Successfully parallel park in LA without hitting a curb.
2. (Has nothing to do with #1) Get a shitload of energy drink mixers for my partayyy.

3 and 4 are coming tomorrow :)

Waking Up.

2010-08-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

It is only on the days I don't work that I wake up 2 hours before I would have. But the best thing about that is (especially on a Saturday morning) is that My Fair Wedding with David Tutera is on nonstop. There are always tears in my eyes at the end.

Hell-A is slightly overcast this morning, but since I have just downed a Lean Pocket, I am ready for an hour long cat nap. Hopefully when I wake up the sun will be out and I can bask by the pool. Soooo glamorous, right? You haven't seen my pool....

X's and O's

WOWZA.

2010-08-28T00:27:00.000-07:00

Electrified profile, you like?

Just a little Friday face lift!

For the first time in MONTHS I am staying at home on a Friday night. It is pretty nice, I have to say. I watched a movie, did some research on a new client/job opportunity (yay!), and right now I am watching Chelsea Lately while my roommates cat is scratching at my door because her boyfriend is allergic to cats. Awesome. I love the cat, but this is getting a little annoying. I think I'll let her in the room but if she starts licking the plastic bag in my trash can she will have to go out. Heh. Weird little kitty.

I am rounding out my night by doing some research on new champagne companies. They will probably want to give away free shit, right? It is a way to get their product out there, duh!

XOXO

HER!

2010-08-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

Just thought to let ya'll know that I have a unofficial sponsor for my launch. HER Energy drink has told me that they will give me as many cases as I need. Woopdee!

Oh and there is hardly anything there, but you can check out my other blog, dedicated to the biz: http://theaudreygroup.blogspot.com

In October, there will be more photos and such, but I am just doing little update ditty's here and there. Enjoy!